Clearly, this mother (and daughter) had a significant problem to sell me.

But I refused to buy it. What did she mean by "good jobs worthy of her daughter"? And what is so useless about an English major? I know English majors who are professors, CEO's of corporations (OK that may not be the best example in this particular moment in time), lawyers, advertisers, writers, psychologists, etc. But wow-- talk about really bad luck: being both an English major and living in Dallas where there are no jobs. Damn. Click here for a link to famous English majors.

Obviously, the real problem here isn't the daughter's situation but the mother's willingness to not only buy her daughter's problems as her own (hint: next time have your daughter call me), but that the mother was so willing to buy the negativity and hype. And that she had so little faith in her daughter's own ability to parlay a "lesser job" into a better opportunity. What on the surface looked like support ("I'll call the career counselor and see what can be done.") was actually enabling behavior which diminished her daughter's self-esteem and self-confidence.

If you walk around all day thinking NO JOBS NO JOBS NO JOBS guess what you're most likely to see? Articles about the bad job market, statistics on the bad job market, etc. Psychologists call this selective attention: we see what we want to see. And in this economy, it's not hard to see the problems.

But by buying the problem, the mother and daughter are not focusing on solutions, where the real job hunting power lies. And what solutions are out there? Well mom is probably not going to be too happy, but in a down economy you look for what you can get. Sometimes the goal is just to get a job even if it's not ideal, even if it's "beneath" one's education, even if it's not in the ideal location, even if it doesn't sound great at family reunions. Because first jobs, quite frankly, are often starter jobs.  They're a transition from college to the workplace. They provide a chance to try out new professional skills (can I really get up every morning and make it to the workplace by 7:00 am?). They're a place to learn (often from mistakes). Click here to hear a former Wal-Mart CEO discuss his early career mistakes.

What if the mother/daughter focused on what is available, as imperfect as it may be? A job at a local coffee shop has the potential to introduce the daughter to customers who might be able to help her. Networking anyone?

I don't know any statistics on this, but I'm willing to bet that thousands of professional careers have started at the Starbucks counter. Walt Disney World has an excellent post-graduate internship program that serves as a launching pad for careers. Is it a glamorous job? Probably not. You may be serving hot dogs in the Magic Kingdom, but Disney has an array of educational and professional development programs to help their workers build their skills and knowledge. And it certainly doesn't hurt to have the Disney name on a resume. 

And (hint-hint) Disney, like many companies, hires from within, so who knows where that hot dog vendor job might lead?

So how do you switch from a problem-focus to a solution-focus? Start by answering this question:

If a miracle occurred and your dream job opened up tomorrow what would you be doing?

Take a minute to focus on that dream and then let's get practical:

• What actions can you take now that will improve your chances of getting that dream job if/when it does open up-- next week or next year? Because the economy will improve and you will move toward your desired future-if you prepare now. If all you do is wait tables or pour coffee, you are not moving forward.
• Do you have the skills or education you need for your dream job? How could you develop or improve those skills now? Take one class if you can't afford to go back for another degree.
• Are you keeping up in your field? Keep reading the relevant journals, books, magazines, or newspapers.
• Are you using your current role to meet new people and develop potential allies? Chat with your customers. Never ask for a job; talk to them and find out how their day is going. Where do they work? Do they like it? Say something like, "Yeah, I'm hoping to find a job in ______ one of these days. Have a great day!" If they have advice or something else to offer, they'll let you know.
• Have you connected with the professional organizations related to your dream job? If you're an English major who wants to get into advertising, have you found local advertising professional groups you could join?
• Are you reaching out for alumni connections in your location?
• Is related volunteer work an option? For instance, if you're in the financial field, could you volunteer your accounting or other skills at a nonprofit organization? Could you teach a class related to your skill/knowledge area at a local church?
• What activities--beyond your current job-- would build your resume for the future?

I graduated from college in a down economy, so I grabbed the first job I could get: retail management. I stayed all of about six months in it before I moved on to a job at a nonprofit agency that was more personally rewarding. But that first job taught me so much about the professional workplace-- from meeting talented managers to learning about politics and professional behavior to the scope of career opportunities I knew nothing about-- I wouldn't be where I am without that first link.

So to college grads hitting the job market: the truth is many college graduates spend their first job looking for their second job. It doesn't define who you are. If you find that elusive perfect professional starter job, great. If not, get over yourselves. Focus on what you can learn, who you can meet, and what might show up. And absolutely refuse to buy the problem. There ARE jobs in Dallas, even for English majors.

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Not sure how your college major fits into the workplace? Check out my book, "You Majored in What? Mapping Your Path from Chaos to Career."

Picture source: pegasusnews.com

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Tags: anxiety, bad luck, career counselor, college graduate, college students, down economy, enabling behavior, english degree, english majors, graduating class, helicopter parenting, helicopter parents, hype, job search, jobs, lawyers, little faith, moment in time, mother and daughter, negativity, parents, professors, psychologists, self esteem, students grads, willingness, writers