Building Great Marriages

Simple things matter in love and marriage!

by Charles D. Schmitz, Ph.D. and Elizabeth A. Schmitz, Ed.D.

Up in the Air: A Journey to Love and Commitment

Five steps in the journey to love and commitment.

Published on December 17, 2009 by Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz in

Falling in love with another human being is easy, but making a commitment to love him or her forever is “up in the air” for many people. The new movie starring George Clooney entitled, “Up in the Air” mirrors the struggles so many folks go through when it comes to making a commitment to love somebody for a lifetime. It’s a great movie, with “Academy Award” written all over it and brings home an important message about relationships.

Why do some find it so difficult to make a commitment to love?

Let’s face it; many people are afraid to make commitments when it comes to love and marriage! Heck, we live in a disposable world – where it is easy to have “one night stands” and avoid commitment to those we fall in love with, if even for a night.

We have studied successful marriages around the world for nearly 27 years. The successfully married couples we have interviewed have shared many stories with us about how they formed a lifetime commitment to each other.

Here is what they said about how those “up in the air” notions about love and commitment manifest themselves in real relationships in the five steps to commitment:

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1. It is not enough to be deeply loved, you must reciprocate profound love as well, before a lifetime of commitment can be made.

2. The person you commit to must, first and foremost, be your best friend. You cannot make a lifetime commitment to someone you only love.

3. If you think there will ever be a moment in a budding relationship when you will say, “I have no doubts about him/her so I am willing to make the lifetime commitment” – well, forget it! It’s not going to happen.

4. Someone who wants a successful marriage cannot promise a lifetime of commitment to someone they purport to love while plotting an escape at the same time. A true commitment is unalterable and not disposable.

5. And finally, remember this about commitment -- it is NOT an on again, off again proposition. Commitment to someone whom you love and consider your best friend must be an everyday thing. Commitment is forever; it is not “up in the air.”