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The “heart of the matter” is this – successfully married couples report a high level of satisfaction with the way they communicate with each other. As we poured over our interview notes from thousands of couples, five important actions began to emerge. Read More
yeah never pass judgement is
yeah never pass judgement is true. But what do you do if after repeated discussions and explanations in the most loving way your spouse doesn't get it. This is in regard to me and my ex-gf who are not together anymore , I feel like a villan because I did pass judgments regarding her spending habits in our 3 yr relationship. She was very careless about money and every time I would talk to her about it she would tell me she is making an effort but always end up broke. Each discussion would involve her crying and again making me feel like an asshole. This had nothing to do with student loans or other stuff , she just didnt get it. She didn't realize that 3$ here and 20 $ there add up. I got tired of being nice , spending on/for her and watching her still not change even a bit in 3 years. I couldn't help but get angry and pass judgments.
Finances can destroy any relationship or marriage.
In our several books and in many articles we talk about the importance of communicating openly about your finances and making joint decisions with your partner. If as you say you made repeated attempts to talk to your girlfriend about her spending habits and she was incapable of making the changes, you did exactly the right thing. Finances can destroy any relationship or marriage. Issues such as this will not get better, only worse over time if not dealt with. If your girlfriend did not change her actions with all of the open discussions, then chances are extremely slim that anything but bankruptcy would be in your future. Shared decision-making about finances is one of the key ingredients of a successful love relationship. It appears that you engaged your girlfriend in appropriate conversations about your concerns. Since she wouldn’t/couldn’t change, the only thing you could do was walk away from the relationship.
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