Dick Gordon's The Story ran the interview with my 1972 rock band, the Kansas City Jammers, today. You can hear it on thestory.org.
Bob makes the point in the interview that people need to seek dreams (in this case rock stardom) and are better off not reaching them. Jasey cites Keats as making this point in "Ode to a Grecian Urn." Histories of bands, just like histories of societies, are created by social construction. Histories of friendships are constructed the same way. The interview was about looking back as well as forward. Looking back on our own men's friendships, we each use different prisms. We all tacitly agreed to focus on the good times (yes!) and gloss over the bad times. We chose to remember the strengths of the friendships (yes!) rather than the perceived injustices. And as the dust settles over our memories, we permit ourselves to form new and stronger friendships born of new music we are creating.
Anyone reading this blog has the opportunity to frame most (though not all) of past friendships in ways that are positive and loving. If given the option of choosing how to frame them, "err on the side of love." Move on to a better place with your old friends and they will grow into better "new" friends. From my research, I found it may be easier for men to do this - men were better able to move on and let go of the past than women. Men were also less invested in many of their male friendships and protected themselves from getting hurt which made it easier for them to move on.
Bandmates who remain friends will always have a concrete reminder of their friendships - recordings of their music. Few other friendship groups (sports teams, scouts, fraternities) have this kind of documentation. Forty years after we met and first performed together, we still have the music that characterized the bond. We can continue to make beautfiul music together if we choose to.
