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I was interviewed on the nationally broadcast NPR show ON POINT on Thursday about bromance. The movie, I Love You, Man, continues to draw the interest of radio talk show hosts. I was interviewed with Robert Beasley of IUPUI who is the head of the men's studies section of the American Sociological Association as well as a friend of the host's, named Jack. While we blathered on about the difficulty men have pursuing other men for friendships (they don't want to appear gay) and about how society has changed (it is now more okay to be gay than in our fathers' generations), we fielded phone calls from men and women. So here's a clue for men out there that I learned from a female caller - women like men who have guy friends, especially if the guy friends are into talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about the guy friends who lead husbands/boyfriends astray and come between men and women. But there are also the guy friends who are stable influences on relationships and make women believe that if their man friend can have a talking relationship with a guy, then he can also have one with her.
And the bromance? One man called and said friends make fun of him and another guy at work because they are always hanging out together - they are teased for having a bromance. That nomenclature does not threaten the caller's wife. Bromances, the way I have come to think about them, are usually used to refer to new relationships. Guys meet each other and get into doing things together. They are excited about finding someone who likes doing the same things as them. Old friends (as important as they are) often don't have that same feel to them. The old friend is the stable friend, the go-to guy. The new friend has a fresher, more exciting feel to him.
Another guy caller lamented the closeness with a guy that can be a threat to a relationship. He talked about hanging out one night with a friend, climbing up to the top of a water tower, and just talking the whole night. This was a threat to his wife who wondered aloud if he was really gay. Quite a message for her to deliver to him.
I recall these stories because it is important for men to know what is out there for them as they try and build friendships with other men.
