Last night my wife and I took four couples (3 women and 5 men) out to see I Love You, Man, the new movie that opened over the weekend in 2700 theaters across the country. We then came back to my house, opened up some wine, sodas, and pizza boxes (with the pizza still in them), and talked about the film. We range in age from 30s to 50s and represent different races, religions, and sexual orientations. Six of the 10 were raised in Maryland and one was raised in South Africa. Three couples were parenting sons. This post and the next few will focus on the discussions we had about the movie.
If you have not seen it yet, Paul Rudd stars as a Peter, an engaged guy who overhears his fiancee talking with her girlfriends about Peter's lack of guy friends. He cannot even find a friend to be his Best Man. Hence he starts a series of "man dates" (see my previous blog on this) in order to find a friend. He becomes acutely aware of other men's ease with guys and longs for similar encounters where he can joke with guys around sports, ogle women, and bond over camping. Without giving the ending away, he does finally find a guy with whom he feels comfortable after going on a few "dates" that do not work out.
When we talked about the movie at the house, there were at least some aspects of the movie that resonated with everyone - women's friendships are also portrayed so the women were engaged in the conversation, too. The first point the movie raises is the notion of cross-generational friendships. Peter's father describes Peter's brother as one of his two best friends, much to Peter's shock. The brother, portrayed by Adam Sandberg, is out as a gay man. The brother and father have an ease to their relationship that Paul longs for. At my house, two of the fathers of sons described their close relationships with their sons (they are "raising" 5 sons between them) and how, at least for one of the fathers, he believes he is closer to his sons than he is to his other male friends and he is closer to them than he was to his father. Sons pull different reactions from fathers based on the father and the sons' psychosocial development. The other father is encouraging his youngest son to move out of the house and be more independent. He believes he will ultimately pull him closer by trying to set him free (the son is 21 and gainfully employed as a police man).
Movies often put things on our "radar" that were not there before. In the case of this movie, the friendships that exist between fathers and sons are moved front and center - in the closing scene the father turns to Pete and says that Pete is now also one of his best friends. They hug. Therapists should anticipate that as their clients see movies (or experience significant social upheavals like the economic downturn) the constructs will make their way into therapy sessions. Have your clients talked about what they would like their relationship to be with their parent or their child? The movie is one way to show that parents can come to accept their children and like them, even if those children are different from each other and different from the parent.
Next post will be about the need for best friends...
