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Can men have friendships with women that are nonsexual in nature—the When Harry Met Sally question? Common sense says that platonic friendships are possible. Men often feel more comfortable disclosing intimacies to women than to men because many were raised, particularly at an early age, primarily by mothers and women teachers and because of the way men are socialized to compete with other men. Read More
An Iranian\Canadian Speaking Globally
Cultural backgrounds play a role and should be highlighted here as well. For example we now have people from a variety of cultures living in North America who have not been raised here, so when interviews of this nature take place, in my view, it is important to highlight the ethnic background as well. I was born and raised as a female (till age 18) in the Middle East, I think men and women could be friends, however, many men from my culture may or may not thing that way (more fall on the "may not" side). I guess it all also depends on how we define friendship too! I have always wanted to be friends with guys as I think my values are such that I value friendship above all, so I know when not to cross the line, when not to act or behave in such a way to create what is called "sexual tension" and last but not least when not to step on their partner's toes and make them jealous! I've also tried to have different levels of friendship, sometimes it means not going out and having a drink necessarily but other levels of communication and connection, but then again, would that count as "emotional cheating"? There are many shades of grey here ;) I've been cherishing the contrast and not labeling whatever has come my way, to define is to limit as some say!
When I was a 16 I asked my brother the same question that this article is asking, and he said:
YES, they definitely could, provided that the woman is NOT very attractive, and\or they are both seeing others! I've been pondering that ever since :)
can men be friends with women
Yes, culture plays a large part in friendships and a diverse group of men were interviewed in the book, including a few from the Middle East. Europeans, Africans, Asians, Americans all have different ways of constructing friendships with men and women. In addition, there is great variance within continents as, for example, Northern European men are more held back with physical expression than Southern European men. We are a product of our environment and are also shaped by our genetic make-up. Younger married men said they had more friends with women than older married men - I think times have changed in this direction but it is also a result of younger men being more recently single and having more opportunities for opposite-sex friendships.
platonic friendships
I have had platonic friendships with men nearly all of my life. I think part of the success of these friendships has been in the way I see myself and participate in conversations. I've always seen myself as a thinking person first, gender second. I see others the same way. Although I know that gender affects self-perception, it can have much less influence if others know you see them for themselves - all of who they are. Of course, this doesn't work with people who see themselves first as a man or woman. I've met people who define themselves first by their gender role (competitive male, super mom), and we can't relate to one another.
Please start living in the
Please start living in the real world. Maybe 1% of straight single men want to hang with a girl as only friends. It's not natural. For any of you women out there that disagree with this do the following:
I call it the shirt test.
The next time you are alone with your "friend" take your shirt and bra off and give you buddy a kiss. If he tells you to put your shirt back on because he does not want to jeopardize the friendship then you will be correct. If he has sex with you I guess you are wrong.
BOTTOM LINE: No guy is going to turn down the offer of sex. Therefore, ladies these men that are your friends are hanging out for one reason and one reason only: The hope that he will eventually have sex with you. Of course he won't but there are numerous stupid men that don't know this. Once a women puts you on the friend laddar you stay there forever.
Here is some advice for men that have girls for friends. If you hope to one day sleep with these women you must let them know you will never be just friends with them. Also don't be a wimp. Don't be one of those guys that people make fun of. I work with numerous men that have loads of women that are just friends. Every one of these guys are considered nice guys, easy to talk to, sensitive, etc. but not one of them is desired by any female. The guys that are having sex are the men who don't have women for friends.
Come on guys don't be one of those whimps that think if you hang around long enough as a friend that eventually the girl will want you. It does not happen and you will be used.
not entirely true
this is a rather narrow view of the issue. certainly there are a lot of desperate guys out there willing to make doormats of themselves in the (usually vain) hope that their female friend will take a romantic interest (these tend to be of the perpetually single ilk.) but this is certainly not the case for all men. we all know that its tough for men to recognize some of the subtler signals that women send, and for this reason (among many others) platonic female friends offer a huge advantage in the dating game.
as a woman, some of the best friendships throughout my life have been with men, and the men I've dated have understood that going in. if my guy friends can't reach me, they'll usually call my boyfriend to track me down. I tend to be absent-minded and easily distracted, so I like the laidback nature of male company. throughout the years I've put a lot of trust in my male friends and frequently found myself in vulnerable positions around them (aah college life.) none of them have ever taken advantage. this isn't to say that none of them have developed feelings, several have. the key to preserving a friendship in such a situation is for the object of affection (I've known just as many girls who have developed feelings for their guy-friends as vice versa) to be frank and honest about whether or not the feeling is mutual and if it isn't, to be adamant. in my experience, many women like the attention they recieve from a smitten male friend too much to be honest.
back to my original point, though. having a trusted and platonic female friend can greatly help a single guy. women read other women better than men do, and most if not all of my male friends have at some point briefed me on the "strange" behavior of the girls they like and asked me to interpret it. depending on the friendship and level of comfort, female friends can even act as wing-girls for their single male friends in the increasingly popular 'pickup' game. and its more effective than you'd think!
your test is a bit biased
your test is a bit biased against men and thoughtless of women by the fact that women would have to put themselves in a position that would expose themselves, and if the guy dose rejects her advance(or shirt test) then what, she might lose a great friendship for the sake of testing it
but your underlining point is to some extent true as some men become friends with a girl just for the chance of sex, it truly disappoint me as the best friendship i've had is with a girl
Robyn - I agree with you 100%
Robyn, that was truly one of the best comments I've read. I do not view myself as a man first but a thinking human being who loves knowledge. I never really think "is this friend a guy or girl?". I would rather enjoy the synergy of a friendship. My best friend is a woman from India who is 9 years younger than I. We are both married and have never had sex. We became friends through our work and, in my opinion, have a "thinking relationship". She shares your view. Further, she moved to another state and we still keep very frequent contact. We bounce things off each other, have very personal converstations, and support each other in our marriages. I cannot have that level of intimacy with a male friend. Perhaps that is due to me being raised primarily by my mother as my father was sick most of my life. Anyway, it was a great comment and thanks.
Eva Ulian -The Best of the Worst
You can’t take it for granted that all men and all women are capable of a non-sensual relationship with the opposite sex. I certainly can and find that male friends are much better than female friends as they are less apt to be envious. However, I have also found that a higher percentage of men are incapable of a neutral friendship with a woman especially if she is attractive. It is the male rather than a woman who is unable to look at the opposite sex without separating himself from the normal connotations attached. Basically that is the main reason why you don’t see male and female friendships among males of Latin origin. With Middle East males, even the idea itself would be impossible, women are slaves and nothing more. Males of Anglo-Saxon or Western origins it is a totally different story. These males are quite harmless, and make admirable friends since they are more likely not to notice the femininity in you as Western women have made sure they don’t.
Men and women can be friends
My point is if two malescan be friend with phicically attracted towards each other so why can not an men and women be friends with out phisically attracted?
Its all up in the brain and you decide what is your perspective about a female friend.
Now a days we are making a issue of the whole male and female friend ship is blown ou of proportion.
A MAN CAN HAVE A GOOD FRIEND IN A WOMEN OR FEMALE
Hello
I have had platonic friendships with men nearly all of my life. I think part of the success of these friendships has been in the way I see myself and participate in conversations. I've always seen myself as a thinking person first, gender second. I see others the same way. Although I know that gender affects self-perception, it can have much less influence if others know you see them for themselves - all of who they are. Of course, this doesn't work with people who see themselves first as a man or woman. I've met people who define themselves first by their gender role (competitive male, super mom), and we can't relate to one another.
Platonic Relations
This issue has crossed my mind many a times and have pondered over it quite often. I agree with one of the comment here that if a man and a woman does not think of their gender first and consider themselves as thinking human beings, friends who share all their views,emotions and experiences, i suppose it is possible for the two to have a beautiful relationship of faith and feelings. Such a relation is beyond the physical. It is only those who give prime importance only to the body that sexuality matters in a relationship. Platonic relationship is very much possible, it only depends on the maturity of the two people.
YES IT IS POSSIBLE!!
...or is it? One website, http://www.not4dating.com has just launched and they are banking on the idea. We'll see how big it gets...
Yes, but only if the men have siblings or a strong mother
I have a lot of male friends, as I love male company. Most of them I would not date, as they are too young, or too ugly, but a couple I would date. I have found most of them have sisters, so are used to female company, and those few who don't have strong mothers, so are used to respecting women. I have also found men without sisters have trouble in relationships and can't be friends without trying to sleep with me.
they can be friends, if man
they can be friends, if man should not have balls and women should not have hole. in this case they can be friends
Think of thier partners
I'm a man and had a long friendship with a woman who eventually said "Sorry we can't be friends anymore as other men think we're dating and I do actually want to attract a proper boyfriend".
I found this difficult to deal with but understood her dilemma straight away . To be honest when she got her new boyfriend I didn't feel comfortable continuing the friendship anyway as the guy would be struggling to deal with me hanging around and I can't really be bothered with trying to prove a point or stand my ground so I left them to it.
Male-female friendships are fine in themselves but they do put a lot of stress, worry and paranoia on the friends partners and is that fair? In my experience opposite sex friends work great when both are single, as soon as "partners" arrive on the scene - get out.
I'm a woman and I prefer the
I'm a woman and I prefer the company of men, to other women. But I found that even though they would seem buddie/ buddie they always eventually wanted more. By being a good friend they were showing me what good boyfriends they would be. In my relationship we have friends of the same sex only, with one exception. He is one of my best friends and he's gay.
Self-Fulfilling prophecy.
I think the question of men and women being friends is the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe it's not possible, it's not, for YOU. But don't project that onto others.
Some people, (yes, even men) can manage enough self-respect and respect for others to set their sexuality aside and just treat one another as people. I feel sorry for people who've decided that they can't do that. They're free to make that choice of course, but I feel that they're missing out on something very special in life. I've become much closer to my wife, and understand her much better because of the close platonic friendships I've had with women.
platonic friendships are hard
im currently in high school and one of my best friends Hannah is a girl, we both coped a lot of comments about our friendship cause i'd hang out with her alot, i've even seen her naked (by accident of coarse). then at the end of last year Hannah tells me that shes had feelings for me for a while . i haven't talked to her ever since and dont reply to her messages, what did she expect, we've been friends for years and how come i never noticed these feeling, it gets award when were in the same class and i avoid eye contact with her. i think platonic relationships can work but if one of the participates grows feelings for the other it gets difficult. last i wish i would have handled her confession better cause i don't think ill ever get a relationship like that ever again, hopefully by the end of this year we can be good friends again cause i don't want to go through university without her next year
Can men and women be friends? We have the answer, we think.
For those of you who are literally struggling with this question, we think we have an answer. We're providing it for free on our blog dedicated to this question, and to finally finding an answer to this question instead of collecting a bunch of opinions.
http://menandwomencantbefriends.wordpress.com/
Lets answer this question, once and for all.
I find your website name to
I find your website name to be biased to your opinion on the topic. That being said I feel like whoever made and is currently running the aforementioned website will be unable to remain objective.
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