Broken Hearts

Exploring myths and truths about grief, loss, and recovery.

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Correct actions to heal

I always thought it would be time (I think) as most people do. While I do understand the correct actions might be to go through the grieving process, therapy, etc. but what other actions could be taken.

I'm fresh out of a relationship after a second go round with the same person and feel more hurt from this second chance. I definitely do not want to repeat this ... Can you define what some other actions might be to heal.

Correct Actions to Heal

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note and query.

Of the six major myths we identify in our books, The Grief Recovery Handbook, When Children Grieve, and Moving On, the idea that “Time Heals All Wounds” is probably the most pernicious of all, and the one that people are least likely to realize is the greatest inhibitor to their potential recovery from any grief or loss event.

Holding onto the belief that time heals emotional wounds paralyzes the griever into non-action. Time can’t heal an emotional wound any more than time can put air back in a flat tire. Worse, while waiting for time to do something it cannot do, the griever becomes more and more embedded in his/her unresolved grief. In so doing, the grief becomes their identity, digging the whole they’re in even deeper, and making them believe there’s something wrong with them.

In the article we said that it takes correct actions to complete what is emotionally unfinished. Time is not an action, time is actually passive. It does nothing except go by.

The actions that lead to completion or recovery are outlined, in detail, in all of our books. For you, either the The Grief Recovery Handbook or Moving On will help you deal with the impact of all your prior romantic losses so you won’t drag what’s unfinished from your past into your next relationship, and thereby sabotage it from the get-go.

Get to work with one of those books, ASAP. Then you can start the rest of your life.



I love the new article.I

I love the new article.I myself have the last two assignments to finish in the handbook! I'm simply amazed and at awe of all the grief I have carried into my daily life from one relationship to the next never healing.I lost my husband back in 1996.My healing did start in 2003..but being emotionally complete has not occurred until I started working out of the Grief Recovery Handbook.I cannot wait until I am able to get certified.We don't have to wait to feel complete!! Thank you isn't enough when you lived in grief your whole life loss after loss.To feel hope,to feel freedom at this level is well, there our no words..!!

I Love the new article!

Thanks Angie,

Most people would be staggered if they realized how much unfinished business they were schlepping around.

Even when they have an awareness that they are carrying around a major burden, they are more afraid of a solution they don't know ho to take, than they are of living in perpetual pain.

One of the reasons for these articles is simply to introduce the idea that completion of or recovery from unresolved grief is even possible.

From possibility to hope to correct actions.

Big hugs,


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Russell Friedman is Executive Director of The Grief Recovery Institute, and co-author of The Grief Recovery Handbook, When Children Grieve, and Moving On.


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