Bringing Sex Into Focus

The quest for sexual integrity.

by Caroline J. Simon Ph.D.

Pornography Splits Men's Consciousness

Good sex involves being fully present during sex. But the effect of pornography on what is in the head of male consumers is a “split consciousness.” So, a man who allows his sexual consciousness to be shaped by pornography may be shortchanging himself and his sexual partner. Read More

Should We All Ask and Tell?

Consent is always important between sexual partners. Asking and giving explicit consent to each level of intimacy is awkward. But it is a reliable, if unsexy, way for those who engage in casual sex to distinguish nonconsensual sex from regrettable sex. Read More

Who's Judmental? Five Key Symptoms

Getting a kick out of making negative moral assessments of other people is unhealthy. Being judgmental distorts our perception of other people, of ourselves and of what matters most. But when people say, “You are so judgmental,” they are often exhibiting this defect themselves. Read More

When Fantasy Becomes Fatal

“I can’t live without you” is always a dangerous fantasy. The mundane danger is making yourself or someone else miserable for falling short of an impossible fantasy ideal. But sometimes the danger of fantasy is life-threatening. Sometimes when someone says “I can’t live without you” he really means “I won’t let you live without me.” Read More

Lovers' Dreams: Are They Always Illusions?

Romantic love involves seeing the person that you love as embodying your personal ideals of manhood or womanhood. In romance, idealization is part of the deal. Romance often, but not always, involves a fantasy of a perfect love. Idealization is different from fantasy. Read More

One Seducer's Awakening

Seducers are sexual narcissists whose worlds revolve around their own desires. The damage they inflict on others is invisible to them. Yet sometimes seducers can be jarred into true self-knowledge—even into compassion. Read More

Don't Be Seduced! Six Crucial Warning Signs

Flirtation issues an invitation and leaves its acceptance up to the other person. Seduction sets out to get a “yes” whether or not sex compromises the autonomy of the seduced. Read More

Flirtation, Ambiguity and Suspense

Innocent flirtation can be energizing, both for the one doing the flirting and the person on the receiving end. Flirtation’s inherent ambiguity has its pluses, not least of which is “sizzle.” But ambiguity can also fuel miscommunication, self-deception and manipulation. Read More