Verified by 
Relationships
Sometimes Amputation Is Necessary to Preserve Life
Separating from a bad appendage, or relationship, may save your life
Posted September 1, 2011
Amputation. The thought of it can make one cringe; but sometimes it's necessary to cut off the very thing that is draining life from you. That might be a damaged foot, a toe, or even a relationship that is draining you of life.
It has happened again: a self-amputation. Alone, and no around to hear his cries for help, Jon Hutt in Colorado mustered the courage to amputate his toes this week in order to free himself after a six-ton trailer fell on his foot, pinning him; trapping him, possibly unto his death. As he stated on the TODAY Show, the amputation was "my only way out alive."
Below is an excerpt from the relationship chapter in Living Well. There I use medical pearls of wisdom and apply them to healing your relationships. While the above examples involve physical amputations, if a relationship is actually draining life out of you--killing you emotionally--it may be time to cut it off: To amputate that person or relationship from your life. Don't cut the person; cut the person out of your life so that you can continue to live. From Living Well:
SOMETIMES AMPUTATION IS NECESSARY TO PRESERVE LIFE:
In the summer of 2001, there were many news reports about shark attacks. One story involved Krishna Thompson, who was vacationing with his wife in the Bahamas. As she slept in bed, Krishna ventured to the ocean for an early morning swim. Unfortunately he encountered a shark that severely bit his leg. Somehow he was able to punch himself free of the shark's piercing bite and, amazingly, he swam back to shore. Unfortunately, doctors needed to amputate his leg in order to save his life. Based on the facts and his situation--the degree of damage that had been done--it was obviously the right and only thing to do. I'm sure it was a very difficult thing for him to accept--that he had to lose his leg--but he knew it was necessary if he wanted to live to see another day. Krishna Thompson gave permission for the doctors to perform the amputation.
In 2003, Aron Ralston also experienced an amputation, one he had to perform on himself, while rock climbing in Utah. Ralston's right hand became pinned and crushed by a massive boulder. Literally alone, trapped and facing dehydration and imminent death, he made a fateful decision to amputate his right lower arm to get free and live. When interviewed, he later said, "I felt pain and I coped with it." His wounds have healed and he yet lives a full life. The movie "127 Hours" depicts his story.
Just as no one wants to lose a limb, certainly no one wants to lose, or be severed from, someone who has been a part of their life for months, years or even decades. The two of you have become attached to each other; maybe you go everywhere together; do things together; friends rarely see one without the other, or maybe you simply share an address and a last name. But if your relationship has become so diseased and unhealthy that it is draining the very life out of you, it may be time to cut it off--to get rid of it--so that you may yet live a happier, healthier life.
Will it hurt? Sure. Will you feel like you don't know how you'll go on without this person in your life? Of course. But after a while you will see that such a step was necessary for your life and your well-being. The pain of making that "incision" will go away and you will see that sometimes amputation of--or cutting off--an emotionally draining, life-sucking relationship can preserve your life.
Reading this, you may think the word "amputation" refers to you causing harm to someone else, like Lorena Bobbitt amputated her husband, John's, penis and later threw it out a car window. No. Don't cut him/her. Do not amputate a part of another person, but amputate--cut him/her off--from seeing you or having access to you. Cut them off from your life if they are causing you distress, are violent to you or are disrespectful.
I wholeheartedly support and believe in the institution of marriage, provided it is a union of two who are equally yoked, growing together, helpmates, soulmates, best friends and caregivers one to the other. I am not a proponent of careless divorces. But that said, I do understand when people get real with themselves and their loved ones, and not drag their own lives down for the sake of image or appearance. If that means making that hard decision to leave a relationship--to separate yourself from a relationship that really is not working and is all but killing you--sometimes it has to be, because maintaining the "front" is doing more harm than good.
Yes, it's hard to terminate something or someone you've loved and who has been an integral part of your life and environment; but know that you deserve to be in a relationship in which you are treated with respect and love. So if that relationship is really not benefiting you, is not healthy for you, and is actually draining the very life out of you, it might be time to amputate it from your life--cut it off, put an end to its presence in your life--so that you may yet live and have a happier, healthier physical and emotional life.
The question is what do you do when there are small children involved? Do you remain, and they see a dysfunctional, loveless, even hostile parental/marital relationship? Or, do you go--do you amputate yourself from the relationship--and take your chances?
To all...Be Healthy, Be Blessed... and make sure you are Living Well, a book about health, sex and happiness, with a foreword by Pauletta Washington, musician and wife of Academy Award winner, Denzel Washington.
Copyright © 2011 Dr. Melody T. McCloud. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include a hyperlink to this--my original post on Psychology Today, with author credit.
