Pregnancy brings mixed emotions. Not all women who want children are overjoyed when they find out they're pregnant. It's normal, but it's not something people talk about very often. Read More
another smart, relevant post - thank you. as a couple in our mid thirties, we are each at an inflection point in our careers, and our jobs have been our #1 priority up until this point. neither of us has shown great skill in being able to walk away from our desks in order to honor a personal committment, my husband especially. so i am VERY concerned about what parenthood will look like with two people who have a very hard time walking away at 5:30pm when daycare will be closing. I have read a lot recently about how parenthood effects even the most egalitarian and well-intentioned couples and you revert to old gender norms. I worry about how this will impact my marriage and how i feel about my husband if I am the one breastfeeding and he "just can't" leave his office by 6pm! We are not expecting yet, but this weighs on my mind.
Thanks - It weighs on a lot of women's minds, and we think it would be interesting to expand this into a blog post. Hope to share that with you soon.
Awesome post Sharon! This resonated quite a bit for me, being active duty in the military and the fear of deployment while my baby was only a year old was really anxiety provoking for me...but just like what the post noted...you just re-prioritize what's important. I was an operating room nurse then, very highly deployable while my Annabella was born. I didn't want to leave her behind, so I had to be very creative to switch from a highly critical specialty to another in order to continue my service. I delayed having a child because a military career is extremely difficult to maintain being married with children. I know some of my friends in the military who decided to wait to get married or have children because they prefer their military career, now they are regretting the time wasted...
Just wanted to say thank you for your blog. I've been trawling tedious baby forums and the like for a month or so now just trying to find one, (just one!)where the women aren't throwing baby dust around their bedrooms while they do the BD (today I found out it's called the Baby Dance - lord help me it's called sex amongst grown-ups).
Reading your blog was informative without the carry-on. I'm trying to get pregant but like some other commentors, I'm not keen on babies. I don't go gooey (or pretend to)over them.
I'd just like to talk to men and women who still have their brains engaged so I can have discussions based on facts and reality, genuine emotions where people aren't afraid to talk about the 'taboos'. I'm still trying to find a chat forum where I can do that. I'm glad I found your blog. I know there are others like me, I have one old friend who is a brand new mother and she feels the same so I shall keep looking.
Thank you so much for your kind comments. Best of luck!
so nice to find a site without the "babydust" and "BD"ing. We're all grown ups here.
We've been trying to conceive for 6 months and I'm growing impatient and quite sad. I don't need babydust. I need sound, practical advice and science.
How about the ovulation kits? They seem a bit fiddly but you might be ready to go with it. At least then you can reduce one variable somewhat and have a bit more control.
This is only my 3rd month and I'm not anxious so much as wanting it to be sorted so I can get organised for the next step, whatever that might be.
Thank you. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Check out this post:
When you're ready, you're ready and waiting is no fun but keep trying because you may just need a few more months!
Sharon and Emma -
Exactly - "when you're ready you're ready and waiting is no fun." I read and really appreciated your other post on this.
I'm curious to know your thoughts - and your readers - on when to seek help and the pluses/minuses of doing so. We are on the cusp now of picking up the phone to call an RE/fertility specialist. In the plus column, this could get us the help we may need and ease some anxiety, and puts us on the path for assistance which I know can be a long one (many months from initial consult to actual intervention). In the minus column, it could ratchet up the stress, dampen the "romance" of trying to conceive and might just be premature.
I would love it if you considered a post exploring this. The WHEN to call in the pros and the pluses/minuses associated.
Great idea about the post topic and I think in general for home interventions like temping and ovulation kits. As for the fertility specialist....I (Sharon) recommend going now if your insurance will cover it. It is not committing you to any intervention so it doesn't have to be stress inducing. It usually just consists of an ultrasound, blood work, and semen analysis. Some docs may do a hsg which is a procedure in which they shoot air (or dye?) up you tubes to make sure they are patent and some docs do a post coital as well. It could save you a lot of time and heartache if there is something off. It can be very reassuring if nothing is wrong...you can go back to having sex like normal adults and hoping for the best. I look forward to other's opinions on this.
I have begun to think about doing this in the next few months if nothing happens, but, the process does bring with it new stresses. Even though you aren't committing to anything and you tell yourself it's just checking etc. the worry and stress starts anyway. Especially when the answers come back 'inconclusive'. Often these things are not black and white.
All these extra tests are pretty invasive and not pleasant, while they may not be very painful in the physical sense. I think it depends entirely on how the individual feels about taking that step as opposed to just waiting a few more months. The problem to balance when you are older, like me, is that time isn't exactly on your side.
Personally, the question for me will be, which is more stressful; keep trying for a while longer - possibly using ovul kits and temps to gain a better sense of where I'm at - or start doing the more comprehensive medical checks, and keep trying in the meantime.
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Sharon I. Praissman is an adult (medical) and psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. Emma Williams is a public health researcher and writer.
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?