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What if I misspell a word? What if I write something that proves harmful to someone? What if the germs on my fingers somehow make their way onto my keyboard, through cyberspace, and onto the keyboards of countless readers who then contract some deadly disease I might be carrying? These are just a few of the "what-if" questions a blogger with OCD might face while attempting to convey the complexities of life with, and treatment for, OCD. I know, because as I sit here at my computer writing this inaugural Beyond The Doubt post, I am contemplating a good many (but not all) of the above possibilities. Read More
Bell & his book...
I now have THREE relatives who struggle with OCD & the often torturous uncertainty it brings into their lives. I am SO happy to find Jeff Bell blogging here. I was incredibly moved (and amused) by his first book and have shared it with the MANY people I know who have been impacted in some way by OCD. Can't wait to read the new one! "Thankk" YOU Jeff... for sharing, educating, and advocating the way you do.
Mom? Is that you? :
Mom? Is that you? : )
Seriously, thank you, CMD, for the kind words and support!
What If?
Good luck with the blog, Jeff. You are a fine example of someone who functions well with OCD, and are an inspiration to many of us.
RE: What If?
Thanks, Rob. Appreciate the kind words.
Motivation
This is my first response to a blog ever so I don't quite know the blogging protocol. I apoligize upfront if I break any sacred blogging rituals or norms.
My question is about finding motivation to do the "homework" to beat down the ocd monsters. Jeff, did you have any specific tools or practices that you used to help you get through the anxiety? I am currently in long distance therapy with an ERP professional and I was just wondering what worked for you.
What if you are alone and have no family cheerleaders to wave their pom poms for you? Basically, I would be interested to hear about what kept you going when faced with the relentless anxiety.
By the way, I did buy your first book...but I can't read it because its got germs.
Motivation
This is also my first blog but I felt I must answer your questions. I lived alone and really had no cheerleaders to help me along, but when the pain gets so bad you can't stand it anymore, that's your motivation for change. I WANTED to be better so I didn't have to deal with it all. I'll never be totally free of all my monsters, but it sure feels great to be able to live a mostly normal life.
RE: Motivation
Hi, Linda and Fran.
Motivation is actually my favorite OCD topic these days, and I'm looking forward to writing about it here. In my own experience, the key to staying motivated in the face of anxiety is to identify and pursue what I call "Greater Good" goals--"service" and "purpose" objectives that can trump the "good" (note my use of quotes here!) that our doubt bullies trick us into thinking our compulsions can offer. Stay tuned for much more on this topic soon.
Thanks for joining the discussion!
- jeff
Motivation
It can be difficult to identify the " greater good " goals which can tackle the relief that the compulsion offers, and in response to Linda I think that it is even harder if you are alone with OCD and that you cannot see the ' wood for the trees ' ...... When 'relief ' is felt by a compulsion - no matter how much I identify a ' purpose ' it is still easier to react and do the compulsion or ritual. Despite the fact that when rational I can see the damage it is doing, when it comes down to it - the compulsion is easier. This is harder if you are alone as it becomes even harder to see the " greater good " - What coping strategies would be useful if this is the case ???
Anon
Motivation
Hi
I have blogged a response below to Jeff - The best way I deal with anxiety is to talk (even if it is on the phone) to someone who knows and someone who I trust, also get a pet (sounds insane if you are afraid of germs I know ! ) but I have 2 cats and they provide alot of comfort and company when the human kind are not around !! Oh ! and they do not ask questions either !! I cry and release the anxiety that way. Further to this I try to stay busy and around people because the more you remove yourself the worse it gets, even if you dont want to - go out and about, meet friends, have a coffee, chat and focus on other things ...... I tend to deal with the anxiety by accepting it and the fact that in 5 mins - 1 hour or 1 day I will be experiencing it again anyways !!
Jokes are good and accepting that you have a disorder is a coping strategy - I kinda tell myself that it is okay, I have a disorder but it is okay ........... The best thing I was told was to use positive affirmations and to accept that it is " only an anxiety attack and it wont kill me "
You will feel better, I had no family and my partner left me 12 weeks before we got married because ' he could not cope with my OCD ' IT WAS SO SO HARD - but that was 2 years ago and I am still standing and am still here ........ WITH EVERY DOWN THERE IS AN UP !
I kinda go day by day and my OCD is getting worse but my acceptance of myself is getting better and that is a good starting point.
Finall, be brave - grab the book with both hands - tell yourself ' it is NOT contaminated ' and read it ! It will be worth it ..... for you and because it is a fabulous book !!
Kind Regards
Anon
Thanks for sharing, Jeff!!
Jeff, after reading your book "Rewind, Replay, Repeat: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder", I look forward to your insight and perspective. I administer several email lists for parents of children with OCD and I have provided a link to your blog for each of the lists.
Thank YOU
Thanks, Louis. And thank you for all YOU do in support of OCD sufferers and their loved ones. I know your email lists are nothing short of lifelines for countless families in our community.
- jeff
?
I think Depression always comes with OCD, I have neither, so I wonder if I'm wrongly observing. Looking forward to your thoughts. Sincerely,David
To ?: I think it's the
To ?: I think it's the opposite, OCD can often lead to depression.
I agree, My daughter was
I agree, My daughter was diagnosed at age nine. I thank God everyday that we know what it is and have been able to find good resources. We have many ups and downs. She is now 19 and we are going through a big down. She told me last week that she is starting to get depressed! She is going to college and moved out(2hrs from home) in August. First quarter was great. Winter not so good. She has told me, it has never been this strong and taken this long to dig out of the hole. There is so much energy used to make little strides and she is a person who needs to make progress. It is March now, she has been struggling badly since Thanksgiving with little progress. She is starting to question, How am I ever going to make it, have a husband, family, job,etc-that would make anyone depressed. It can be such a painfull disease- we have always told her she can do anything! She is amazing and has already accomplished more than most-please all of you that suffer, have a family member or know someone with ocd-keep the faith, there is always light if you only keep trying. From Washington
Depression and OCD
One of the cruel twists with OCD is that those of us battling it tend to be acutely and painfully aware of how nonsensical our OCD thoughts and rituals are. This self-awareness can actually be a powerful tool when tapped effectively. Unfortunately, it can also prove incredibly frustrating--especially when OCD is undiagnosed or untreated. In my own experience, I believe this frustration led to depression that accompanied my OCD for many years. I'm going to ask one of our OCDF docs to weigh in with some thoughts on this in a future post.
We bought your book
My son and I attended the OCF Conference last weekend. I bought your book and am just starting to read it. The conference greatly impacted my 25-yr-old son, who has suffered with OCD since the age of 12, and encouraged both of us. I will let him know about your blog. Thanks, Jeff, for being so devoted to helping OCD people, and committing your time and effort toward this blog.
OCF Conference
So glad you were able to make it to the OCF conference. It was a great event, and I'm already looking forward to next year's in Washington, D.C.
Start Spreadin’ The News
I think it is fantastic that Jeff took on yet another project. I don’t know where he finds the time, but I am glad he did. I believe the more avenues we use to get the word out, educate and inspire people about OCD the better. I have attended the last six OC Foundation conferences and I must say that my willingness to share and motivation to be more active has increased with each one – in part of course due to individuals like Jeff Bell and Elizabeth McIngvale (National Spokesperson). In the beginning, when I returned from a conference, I used to tell people I was just away for a week with friends, now I tell them that my family and I attended an OCD conference. My daughter (an OCD sufferer) always says, “Mom, why do you have to go into so much detail....and tell everyone?” But I totally believe that the only way to bring about an awareness and dispel the myths about the disorder is to talk openly and honestly about it. You wouldn’t believe the dialogue that such an admission generates - once they pick their jaw up off the floor and resume eye contact again that is For the most part, people genuinely want to learn more. They want to hear about our struggles (and not just to spread around the locker room.) They want to help, and in many of the cases they know or are a sufferer and feel a sense of relief that they or their friend or loved one are not alone. So, don’t be afraid. Start spreadin’ the news and together we can slay the OCD monster. It is all about the Greater Good....right Jeff? Thank you for all that you do!
Sharing our "Secret"
Bravo, Patti!! You are doing great work in spreading the word. While the decision of whether or not to talk openly about one's OCD is a very personal one, I know from experience that sharing our "secret"--even with just a few close friends or relatives--can be very freeing. As I hear from many readers, there are a lot of important considerations. Let's kick them around in a future post.
living though OCD
There is hope for sufferers of OCD. People can recover!
Recovery
Amen!!
OCD
I have a brother with OCD. Unfortunatly I can't send him your books because his OCD will not allow him to open them. He has suffered since he was 15 and has a very sever case. I am writing in the hopes that you could speak out about educating group home employees about OCD . My brother is living in a group home and nobody there seems to understand how hard it is for him just to take a shower.They treat him like a child that just does not want to obey their rules. It is very frustrating.
Education
Ah, education! This is SUCH an important topic; thank you for raising it. We will definitely talk about what we, as an OCD community, can do to raise awareness. (And as your note suggests, we've got a lot of work to do!)
I just happened upon your
I just happened upon your site at the right time. My son has OCD and is obsessed with germs. He was not like this until 5 years ago.
I feel I need to get him some help before this ruins his family. His wife is wonderful but I don't know how long she can hang in there.
What are your suggestions as to where to start?
Thanks
Getting Help
One of the most frequent questions I get is, How can I help my family member with OCD? It's a tough one, largely because the OCD sufferer, himself/herself, must also be willing and motivated to seek that help. I think the first step is knowledge, and to that end I always recommend that family members learn all they can about the disorder and its treatment. A great starting point is the OCDF web site: www.ocfoundation.org. Be sure to check out the online pamphlets and recommended reading.
Also.. speaking from experience.. let me encourage you never to underestimate the importance of your support in the process. It can make all the difference!
Thank you for continuing
Thank you for continuing awareness of OCD. I would hope you will cover the causes (neurobiological), treatment, ERP explanation, possible drug treatments, and myths.
From a 43 year old survivor with a daughter in treatment.
Topics
Great suggestions. I'm adding all of them to my list! Thank you.
In the Closet
Thinking back, I am sure I've had OCD since I was 12. I'm now 40 and have my own family. No one knows. I don't have a problem with germs but the endless counting (things in twos, or threes or fours). It's getting so old and I'm sure at times I look ridiculous (shut the door twice, not once... who wouldn't notice that?) I think of telling my husband and for some reason, it paralizes me. I'm too embarrassed to even mention it to my doctor. It just seems so... embarrassing. Although if someone told me they had OCD, I wouldn't judge, I'd just want to help. But now I worry that my young child will be affected or show signs. What to do? Secret therapy? Uggh.
Embarrassment
I was there--in YOUR shoes. I paid for thousands of dollars worth of therapy out of my own pocket, to avoid leaving a "paper trail." I parked my car blocks away from my therapist's office, so I wouldn't get "caught" seeing a psychologist. I truly understand the embarrassment you reference. It was a huge roadblock in my own recovery. If it helps, know that OCD is a biochemical brain disorder. In this sense, those of us battling it should be no more embarrassed than someone battling diabetes or any other physiological condition. Also know that we in the OCD community are right here supporting you. You've got a lot of company!
Message to In the Closet
Hi "In the closet",
I wanted to reply to you because it seems our stories are very similar! I've had OCD since my early teens and am now 43 with a family. I, too, am really embarrassed to tell anyone. My husband knows (but doesn't want to know the behaviors - probably would scare him).
With people like Jeff Bell around to help spread OCD info, that should make us stronger and realize it's just a neurological disorder that we shouldn't be embarrassed about.
I worry about my kids too. I'm worry that my young children will start to ask "mommy, why do you do that over and over".
I think we do need some cognitive behavioral therapy which can help along with meds (which I'm not crazy about). The therapies definitely shouldn't be secret though.
We have to be strong...strong for our kids. I'm definitely going to check out Jeff's book - sounds like it could be inspirational.
Best of luck to you!
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