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Before You Get Engaged

Questions to contemplate if you're thinking of marriage.

Depression
Which truth is "the truth" in my relationship?

Michael Batshaw LCSW on July 18, 2010

What is the truth about my partner?  Finding an answer to this question is a bit complicated.  The reason for this is that our moods shift frequently, our lives are constantly changing, and so are our feelings about our significant other......  

What is the truth about my partner?  Finding an answer to this question is a bit complicated.  The reason for this is that our moods shift frequently, our lives are constantly changing, and so are our feelings about our significant other......  

Humor
Beware of the person of your dreams!

Michael Batshaw LCSW on May 9, 2010

I am sure that the parents of Sandra Bullock and Elin Nordegren (Tiger's wife) are wishing that their children had made very different choices when they decided they had found their "dream" partner.   So, before you get the ring and plan for happily ever after, please consider the following...

I am sure that the parents of Sandra Bullock and Elin Nordegren (Tiger's wife) are wishing that their children had made very different choices when they decided they had found their "dream" partner.   So, before you get the ring and plan for happily ever after, please consider the following...

Relationships
A Zen Koan for Post-Valentine's Day: Do you have "healthy doubt" or "unhealthy doubt" about whether your partner is "The One"

Michael Batshaw LCSW on February 15, 2010

 Do I have “healthy doubt” or “unhealthy doubt” about my partner’s suitability for me?Doubt, uncertainty and the feeling of not knowing for sure is not a problem!   In fact, contrary to what we might at first think, experiencing such feelings can be the greatest path toward intuitive certainty.   To this end, my Zen Master would often say, “don’t know”, is closest to “enlightenment”, or intuitive understanding.  What did he mean by this and how might such understanding help us attain greater clarity in our relationships... 

 Do I have “healthy doubt” or “unhealthy doubt” about my partner’s suitability for me?Doubt, uncertainty and the feeling of not knowing for sure is not a problem!   In fact, contrary to what we might at first think, experiencing such feelings can be the greatest path toward intuitive certainty.   To this end, my Zen Master would often say, “don’t know”, is closest to “enlightenment”, or intuitive understanding.  What did he mean by this and how might such understanding help us attain greater clarity in our relationships... 

Philosophy
How do I know if I have met the perfect partner?

Michael Batshaw LCSW on January 24, 2010

Do you have an idea of what your perfect partner will be like? This was the image that I was carrying of the perfect mate: She was going to be wearing a flannel shirt and jeans. She’d meet me in a café or bookstore and comment on the book I would be reading-- something obscure and interesting. She’d say how she had read it too and loved it. We would then engage in like-minded conversation on life, philosophy, and shared hobbies. Our chemistry would be easy and wonderful and like a flash of lightning we would both realize we had met the person we would spend the rest of our life with. 

Do you have an idea of what your perfect partner will be like? This was the image that I was carrying of the perfect mate: She was going to be wearing a flannel shirt and jeans. She’d meet me in a café or bookstore and comment on the book I would be reading-- something obscure and interesting. She’d say how she had read it too and loved it. We would then engage in like-minded conversation on life, philosophy, and shared hobbies. Our chemistry would be easy and wonderful and like a flash of lightning we would both realize we had met the person we would spend the rest of our life with.