Becoming Adult

In my 20s, I felt like a failure for not having a real job. I'm almost 40 and I still don't have one, so I decided to go 'entrepreneur', which turned out as the best move ever. I work less and I make more. Yes, you read right, I work less.

The 20s are hard. I got out of school in a recession, and I can see that this generation is doing the same.

What I liked about his article is that it really takes the pressure off. Young people do need to know that they can still explore to figure things out. I hope that your article can remove some of the pressure that comes with the 20s.

As a young 20-something I can attest to the fact that this transitional period is really difficult! I greatly appreciate that your blog is dedicated to exploring the issues of this phase since few people acknowedge that it is indeed distint from "real" adulthood.

There's a lot of pressure while trying to build a life, both internal and external. Sometimes it feels like I'm going nowhere even though I'm working, volunteering regurlary and teaching yoga. I have a plan for the future (traveling with my SO then going back to school) but even with that it feels like my life is only partially under my control. It always feels like I'm spinning my wheels, not doing enough- but the idea of taking on any more commitments also seems impossible! I want to enjoy life, but I also want to be moving steadily forward. It's hard to gauge my progress when the process is so slow and subtle and anything is possible!

Good piece!

I too often end up at social events talking with 20-somethings about their lives. Last night, for instance, at an after-party for a fundraiser, a subset of the crowd were young comedians, actors, models and assorted folks figuring out what they want to do.

A couple of young ones there spoke wistfully about how "life is never going to be as simple as it was" and how growing up "we just survived with what we had," no Internet, no cell phones. They were recognizing feeling addicted to the Internet and their phones in particular, and not liking that realization.

A couple of guys started talking about some of the things they have accomplished, which sounded pretty good to me. They felt they had not done enough and concluded, "We're late bloomers."

I suggested that people in their 20s probably cannot yet tell if they are late bloomers: "You're going to live longer, so it's reasonable that it's just taking you longer to figure out what you want to do." "Exactly!" One fellow practically shouted. He seemed to take comfort in the notion of having time to figure things out.

On one level the fellows I spoke with seemed to welcome, and be maybe a little surprised at, not being perceived as losers (at least not by me) even though they're not yet rich or locked into a crystal-clear track--or if they've only acted in commercials vs. movies. On the other hand, I was reminded that this kind of "smart but lost, misfit with friends, imperfect, struggling-to-make it" guy is recognizable as a contemporary character...think, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and other neo-Woody Allens now hangin' in packs. Will my acceptance of their pain dim the angst that often drives humor?

Clearly they feel a ton of pressure--and no wonder, when fellow 20-something strangers are asking right off the bat: "What are your goals? What have you done?" Yikes! Some individuals plainly had prepared answers that they rattled off, some with modulated tones and vaguely British accents that I suppose were meant to suggest sophistication and were different from their normal speaking voices. I felt compassion for these young ones: working so hard to establish a public persona, a personal brand, when they haven't even been on the planet very long.

As the goal-grilling heated up, I excused myself to go get a bottle of water: who wants to be assessed and judged, let alone witness to such a public interrogation? Not I! "IMHO" that's TMI...too much intimacy for a first meeting at a party. Let's dance!