Falling Off the Floss Wagon

"My name is Talya and I'm a non-flosser." That's what I would say at non-flosser meetings, if these were modeled after AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), OEA (Overeaters Anonymous) and the like.

The answer, if we were to follow the same AA script, would be "We love you, Talya." Or would it? I'm not so sure I love myself when I mean to do something and consistently fail. Like flossing. The rest I have mastered. It even comes naturally—the swimming, the power yoga, the morning crunches. Not eating late at night (yes, this gorgeous figure does require some dieting). Drinking very little alcohol. Taking off my makeup before going to bed. But the flossing? It just doesn't fit in. There was a time when I thought it would, back when, courtesy of Princeton University's excellent dental coverage, I underwent two minor (and incredibly unpleasant) gum cleaning procedures. I remember returning to the office the following day and telling Daniel Kahneman, my post-doc advisor, "I'm going to floss every day till I die." Kahneman, a self-proclaimed pessimist, smiled: "you can stop a little before that." True, but unhelpful, especially from the man who received the Nobel Prize for creating the foundations of behavioral economics. He is the one who unraveled that losses loom larger than gains. But Kahneman did not go so far as to theorize that, where flossing is concerned, gains are remote and intangible, whereas losses – in time and pleasure—are ever-present and highly tangible.

So I quit flossing. Gradually. Not making a big deal out of it. Just not flossing every day. Or not today. Not when I wake up because it is too weird—I've formed no habit for it. Not when I go to sleep, because, frankly, I'm too tired. Though I'm never too tired to take a shower or brush my teeth. Why? Because I'm used to these. Because I've always brushed my teeth every morning and every night: I just can't go to sleep without having brushed first. And I cannot have breakfast if I didn't do my crunches. These are habits. Well practiced. Well engrained into my routine. Flossing? It's the new kid on the school bus. The one someone has to scoot over for so they can sit down. The one who everyone was doing very well without. The one who goes back home crying.

I have to find a way. When there's a will there's a way, right? Except with me and the flossing I think it's the other way around—the will is there, but ineffectively. When there's a clear, well-defined way, such as—floss every night before brushing my teeth—the commitment will likely follow.

If I find the habit, and find a way to make it rewarding—not just by getting to keep all my teeth when I'm older, but with something that makes me happy here and now – even if it's a little encouragement, a little love. "We love you, Talya. Not because you're perfect, but because you keep on trying." That is what I want my NFA (non-flossers anonymous) fellow to say at group meetings. Maybe one day they will.

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