Eat me, drink me

Models stay slim by eating nothing but celery sticks, right?

Apparently not. If Michael Gross is to be believed, the rabbit food is frequently washed down with large volumes of calorie-packed alcoholic drinks. Kate Moss is a prime example. At the peak of her career she was frequently spotted falling out of London nightclubs with bottle in hand, skinny jeans smugly clinging to her gazelle-like pins.

So should we be advocating excessive alcohol consumption as the best route to thinness?

Unlikely. Plenty of other factors contribute to models' slender figures, not least lucky genes, personal chefs, and, sadly, the occasional drug habit. And ‘Drink more, stay thin' would clearly be a terrible public health message, which no-one would condone. Excessive alcohol intake has been linked to a litany of ills, including liver damage, heart disease, and a range of nasty cancers. (Not to mention violent crime, accidents, social embarrassment, and a sense of impending doom the morning after that only a fried breakfast can alleviate.)

But the awkward fact remains that grog (per se) doesn't seem to make you nearly as fat as you might expect. Alcohol contains 7 calories per gram - nearly twice as many as protein and carbohydrate, and approaching the same number as fat. Yet many epidemiology studies find that alcohol consumers weigh significantly less than would be expected from their energy intake.

The thing is, no-one fully understands where the extra calories go.

Alcohol-inspired exercise? Probably not. For every person that feels the urge to dance a jig when under the influence, another drifts into a contented doze and falls asleep on the sofa. Altered metabolic processes? Partly. When you wake up sweating after a heavy night, it might be because 20% of your alcohol intake is getting burnt off via heat production. But on the other hand there's also evidence that alcohol stops your body from burning fat.

The fact is there's something mysteriously unfattening about drinking and even the brainiest scientists haven't quite figured it out yet.

But don't break out the kegs just yet.

Epidemiology is an inexact science - there may be other additional factors that make moderate alcohol consumers generally thinner as a group, like physical activity, higher incomes, or having active social lives.

And have you ever left the pub and realized the only thing that will make you happy is a quarter-pounder with a side order of fries? That's probably because of the far-reaching effects of alcohol on appetite. It interacts with brain systems involved in food-related reward. It's a diuretic, meaning you may excrete too much water, leaving you dehydrated and craving salty snacks. It's a depressant, potentially making you seek out sugar to boost your booze-flattened mood. And it's a famous destroyer of plans hatched in sobriety: if you started a diet before going to the pub there's no guarantee you'll feel like sticking to it while you're there.

So unless you're a supermodel, or you compensate for your alcohol habit in other aspects of your lifestyle, excessive drinking has a very good chance of making you consume more calories than you really need - empty, non-nutritious ones at that. And even if a substantial percentage of your evening pint passes through your system harmlessly, that still leaves a sizeable portion to take a more scenic route, hanging out on your hips and thighs, or stopping for a leisurely interlude on your love handles.

The verdict?

Calories mean weight gain; there's no way around that. But if you're aware of the impact alcohol has on your body and mind it's perfectly possible to keep your drinking within a sensible range that will allow you to stay happy, healthy and slim.

Just try not to emulate Naomi Campbell and her ilk. They may look great sashaying down the cat-walk - but drinking like a fish is far from model behavior.