Adopt a new anthem: envy can be good for you. I recently got in a discussion with a friend on the topic of envy and some interesting things spun out of it. Our discussion got me thinking— what does attention have to do with envy?
The thought brought me back to a point Allen Ginsberg had made years ago when he was speaking about what he called Unworldly Love. According to Ginsberg, unworldly loves are deep, private desires we all have which we’ve locked away, in a sense; because as he put it, we feel there is no hope for achieving them in our everyday world. Yet, many times these longings are essential to the quality of life we want to live. They are the worker who wants to go to college despite his age and many obligations, the lonely person who wants friends, the aspiring poet who deep down wants to win a Pulitzer, the out-of-shape person who wants to be fit, and the physician who dreams of playing the piano in Carnegie Hall. Many times we, according to Ginsberg, don’t even want to admit these “dreams” to ourselves. And so, sometimes to get to them, we have to break through (his words) a wall of granite resistance. The potential problem in not breaking through is that we may disenfranchise from the person we really are at our deepest, which can lead to other problems with self esteem, motivation, and even depression.
Ginsberg was inspired, I believe, by the poet William Blake who said that in the imagination, where the world of poetry [and all art] lives, we will find a “lost world,” which is the same as Ginsberg’s place of unworldly love, and that is where we can begin to reclaim our selves—in our imaginations, in our dreams.
Holistic practices such as meditation, reflection, and visualization can all help us focus on this important place, as can the world of art. Emotions can play a role on this path too. As such, envy doesn’t have to be an end all feeling—although it can wind up that way if left to commandeer your actions unattended to. And because it is fast and dynamic and linked to some very primitive survival drives, it can get you into some pretty dramatic trouble—fast.
On the other hand, envy can provide an opportunity for deeper self-awareness, which can lead to greater fulfillment as well as a release of frustrations.
After my friend and I talked, I conducted 2 informal polls; one was on jealousy and the other on envy. For the purpose of this post, I will talk about the poll on envy. An overwhelming number of respondents answered that if they were given the opportunity, they would NOT eliminate envy from their lives. They also reported, again overwhelmingly, that envy had at times served them well—yet the majority of people polled admitted that envy had also, at times, gotten in the way of issues that they considered important to them. An example of this came from an individual who told me after one of the polls that “jealousy” (here used linguistically synonymous with envy) had provided him with the motivation for going back to school to earn a college degree.
So is there something to be gleaned from putting your attention onto this high-powered feeling? I think so.
Envy can help break through, in an instant, that wall of resistance Ginsberg claimed sits between you and how you want to really live your life. But:
It’s all too easy to lose track of what matters in life.
A while ago, I took a related poll. I asked a group of people how many felt that the people and institutions in their daily environments rewarded them more often for things that didn’t matter much to them—e.g. things that weren’t linked to the person they really are—than for matters closest to their heart. The vast majority of people polled felt they were mostly being rewarded for things that weren’t close to heart.
Envy can be transcended by becoming conscious of it.
Envy can be used as a dynamic gauge to help you identify and clarify things you deeply want from life.
Envy shines a fast light on the person you want to be—in relationship to the person you have been—and are at the moment.
As such, I believe you can use this powerful feeling to help you identify some of your deepest desires and heighten your motivation to achieve them. But this profound alarm system needs to be taken seriously or it can make mince meat of your life before you know it.
So cautiously assess whether such desires are appropriate to your goals—imminent or long-range. If so, you can construct a reasonable plan for achieving them. If not, you can more easily dispose of feelings that are gnawing at you, wrecking relationships, employment, and generally making you unhappy.
Here is a quick guide. Ask yourself:
Why do I want this?
How does acquiring this fit in with my imminent goal(s)?
What about my longer distance goals?
What has happened when I have chased such desires in the past?
What can I do differently—if anything?
How does my quest fit in with the person I have been and who I am and want to be?
Is this feeling getting in the way of other goals I may have?
How can I best achieve my desire?
One of the best ways of achieving your own goals is to, of course, help someone else with the same goal achieve theirs.
In the spirit of Blake, although unworldly loves hide within us and the blossoms of our innocence may die, their perfume is what lingers. Envy—used attentively— can help you catch their fragrance again and, in a virtual instant, give you a glimpse of your most essential needs.
The key seems to be transcending the emotion itself and consciously using it to illuminate good and discovering a strategy for achieving it, rather than letting the feeling trigger a flurry of negative actions.
Next time you are feeling jealous, put your attention on your self and use this powerful alarm to help you strategize reaching your dreams.
Image: photoXpress
For a scientific adventure into the world of human attention see my newest book
Can I Have Your Attention?: How to Think Fast, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Concentration
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