Asperger's Diary

Thank you so much for providing a voice for those suffering with Asperger's! My daughter is eleven and was just given a diagnoses of Asperger's. All the pieces are starting to fit together now in relation to this and the pain and suffering it has caused her thus far. Please keep writing these enlightening blogs!

Great post, Lynne. I seriously still don't know what the PT fella had in mind with that blog on remorse/Aspberger's...perhaps it was written for/pandering to the (incorrect) viewpoint of the 'common' reader???

That would assume that the common reader is so Clueless as to NOT realize the possibility that: Autistic/Aspberger folk actually have disability EXPRESSING/sending the same emotions (experienced) that are encountered with the INTERPRETING/receiving of those same emotions.

THAT is not the same issue whatsoever as what the Aspberger individual actually may be experiencing/'feeling' emotionally. And that he frequently might not understand what is considered to be 'necessary' on the part of an NT.

It's hardly a narcissistic-inspired/or sociopathic malady. I'm not well-versed in the subject at hand, but it seems to me that the sociopath is plenty able to take in and translate EXACTLY 'what is going on'--they 'get' it! They use it to their advantage. They just don't 'suffer' over it...in fact, it doesn't bother them apparently. They don't 'care' (unless they are following a personal set of rules to live by and they realize something is not good for them~they experience loss). Needs, status, anger, loss, revenge, etc. may motivate them???

And even knowing that...would I classify Clinton etc. as sociopath? Did his 'tendencies' take advantage of everybody everywhere? If so, then are "people-persons" (who are 'good' with people) just nothing but hardcore manipulators at heart? (sorry..what heart?) ha.
That just about rules in most really popular and successful preachers, priests, teachers, business leaders, actors, PT bloggers etc. etc. How disappointing if its that simple. I choose not to believe it..call me naive if you must. (They say a 'sucker's born every minute' etc...)

I am amazed, still, that someone in the field of psychology today....(ha)..didn't realize I was even making a play on words there...I'm seriously amazed that he wrote that. I am hoping that there was a legitimate point to it...and that 'we' just missed it.
It wouldn't be the first time that I was let down by people working in the healthcare field or.. the psych. healthcare field. Some of the attitudes and viewpoints are truly outstanding...and not in a good way, either.

Maybe he was referring to the 'net effect' that must be apparent(?)
Afterall, us 'common readers' would only be aware of the net effect, right? And apparently its O.K. to casually bring up Asperger's like that when writing a column, as long as Tiger's name is in it.
Oh..I pretty much loved what you said, Lynne...."jerk"--
(whether Aspie or NT--a jerk is a jerk ...) There are a whole lot of them in the world. I've been one myself (more than I'd ever care to admit to.) So I guess we'll have to cut this fella some slack this time since I don't know the machinations of journalism.

Keep up the good work. Having the ability to see life from both sides..which I believe you have..and write rationally about life, gives people on the spectrum the chance to 'have a voice', indeed! What a difference that will make for the world when more and more peaceful, intelligent, voices, (like yours), are heard!

Happy New Year!
Laine : )

Thanks for this article.
It bugs me that people believe those with ASD cannot empathize. It bothers me to the point where I actually doubt myself when I feel empathy. Gosh either I am not really feeling empathy or I am not ASD.
In my saner moments, though, I think I feel MORE not less. I just am unable to evaluate and moderate my thoughts and feelings and more importantly, my actions. I am always crazily checking and re-checking my own behaviors to make sure I am not being hurtful or obnoxious. So, perhaps what people observe is cautiousness. I feel like a bull in the emotional china shop and rather than do any damage I will either stand completely still or leave. Figuratively speaking.
TV shows that humiliate others are painful to watch. I can't do it. The same goes for movies that have violence or any kind of abuse.

I've always been hyper-sensitive to other people's perceived pain and humiliation -- and utterly unable to express that. The 'perceived' there is a big problem - just as Lynne mentions, I perceive pain and humiliation where none, apparently, exist. Even worse, my response to these situations is to shut down completely (which seems to be interpreted as callousness) or flee (which seems to be interpreted as overreaction).

In fact, as e mentions, my own perception of my overactive and often misplaced empathy was one of the biggest stumbling blocks for me in trying to accept my Asperger's diagnosis. If it weren't for resources like this blog, I'd still be struggling with that -- but the writing of those with AS has reassured me greatly that the DSM-IV is not the whole story.

And exactly the kind of information to help me better understand Asperger's from "their inside out."

There is a saying about not knowing someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. Your post goes a long way in helping those without Asperger's to understand the wonderful human beings that live within people who have it and who are unfortunately misunderstood so frequently (myself being culpable of that).

Thank you.

Thanks Lynne,

Once again a beautiful demonstration that aspies are not the emotionless robots that many of the texts, blogs and articles claim we are.

Sometimes we lack the ability to express our feelings in a way which others can understand but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't there.

personally, i find it horrific that someone should say something like that on a site like pt. this should be a place to find sensible information written by people who know what they're talking about and who know that this kind of "discussion" is absolutely unnecessary as it is so obviously not true.

to the first comment: even if it was written by a well meaning person, which i'm sure it was, i'd just like to say people don't "suffer from asperger's". if anything they suffer from nt society trying to force them in a box and telling them there's something "wrong" with them. there's nothing wrong with us, we just think in a different way and one reason that leads to misunderstandings is because nts just assume everyone thinks the same as they do.. (ha) isn't that supposed to be a trait of AS? :)

btw, lynne, can u post a link to the original "discussion"? i'd like to read it. thx

Thank you so much for the honest re-telling of your story.

Sarcasm and teasing are difficult concepts to teach someone on the spectrum. My 15 year old son has finally figured it out.

I work with middle schoolers to help them understand the value of friendship with children who have developmental disabilities. I use the book "There Are No Words" to enter into the classroom as a creative writing coach and visiting author... then I use that small platform as a way to talk to the children about the true value of friendship with those who are different than they are.

Warmly,

Mary

I was the not-sensitive expert at PT who wrote the original blog on asperger's and remorse and was summarily -- and rightfully -- taken to the shed for a beating. That I learn more from the ways I continue to embarrass myself is no excuse for continuing to do so.

I removed that blog, but unfortunately it also removed the healthy, spirited and educational long list of comments that it triggered. I am glad and thankful to see that the discussion continues and that a strong voice is being given to people with AS who may think, "Just because it is difficult to communicate my feelings, doesn't mean I don't have them."

the "lack of empathy stereotype" drives me crazy. it's one of my least favorite myths, based in absolutely nothing.

what i know is that i tend to have very restricted body language...facial expression and arm gestures fairly neutral. and i can be perceived as cold, or lacking in emotion, despite the fact that i feel things intensely. i've just learned the hard way that people...when they talk about empathy or emotion...they're not really talking about either of those things. they're talking about the theater of empathy and emotion. the show of it, with obvious gestures, expressions. so, people really have no interest in true empathy, they just want the empty theater surrounding it, for reasons i will never understand.

so...i reject the myth and usually feel neuro-typicals are far more guilty of emotional deficits. which may not be fair. i'm probably being reactionary. but that only indicates a strong emotional reaction, so i'm down with it.

That was such a beautiful story you shared with us, Lynne. But many NT people could argue your behaviour as a child was autistic: aren't all 10-year old children, at some extent, innocent? There are many NT children out there who could make such a remark, and most ppl wouldn consider it pretty normal for a kid their age. You said that, as you grew older, you got other ppl's reactions better and better...well, guess what: every single NT is also like that! That's what confuses me: the more i research about this Asperger thing, the less it seems like a problem or a disorder. It's more like a different type of normality, like normal ppl with a twist (again, which normal human being doesn't have one?). Furthermore, Asperger ppl have gifts that the so-called NT ppl would kill for. For me, you ppl seem like an advanced form of the human race (like an everyday's superman/woman). Asperger ppl are the next generation and other ppl are just jealous of it, that's why they label it as a disease.

By what i read, I sure hope i'm an Aspie. That'd put me in a higher level than most ppl on this god-forsaken planet.

lucky you, some of us had to strengthen negativly to become strong to turn our hearts black with hatred and cover them with ice wrap it in stone and make our minds a hunting ground where we're the only hunter and our weapon is our mind games
I think its nice you managed to come out posotively

I am in a long distance relationship with an aspie. He and I chatted facebook I read his wonderful writing and after a few months I flew overseas to meet him. He tried to call that meeting off, but somehow we got through it, loved each other physically, had so much in common and had a wonderful week.
WHen I got home he wrote that we had to be together, and actually asked me to come back and marry him so I could stay in his country. I took an early retirement and got my affairs in order, but after a month he suddenly said he was too busy and had to put himself and his career first. I agreed to come back in the fall instead of during the busy season. When I asked if I should bring my dog or leave her at home with the rest of my family, he only said his dog was microchipped and had a passport. I took that to mean, no, and then he started to feel guilty about me leaving my dog and my family and said he couldn't ask me to do that. I said it was my decision. Suddenly, we broke up and the very next day he had started chatting up another woman.
and pretty much stopped communicating with me. Just like that!

My question is, should I trust my instincts that he really loves me and is only doing the fight or flight thing and continue with my plans to return to his country in the fall? If there's any chance to jolt him out of this, I want to do it. I have an autistic son (grown) and understand quite a bit, but this relationship has stumped me. I have a room booked for a month and I'm taking my dog with me. I have art I did inspired by the scenery and want to try to live and work there regardless of what he wants. I told him I am coming back anyway, but no real response. Help!