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In the second or third grade, I remember being asked about friends. "Oh, I have lots of friends," I said, reciting a list that included all my teachers, day care providers, school janitors, and most of the kids I knew. Everyone was nice...at least I thought. I didn't understand the true nature of friendship - until I was bullied. Read More
Again....
...Beautiful thoughts.
Sincerely,David
Wow.
This is a stunning story. I can't believe how indifferent or oblivious teachers and school administrators were. What do they think they are teaching kids when they allow the bullies to terrorize their classmates--"might makes right"?? That's so wrong.
I suspect, given how clueless & dweeby I was in school, that I was lucky not to have been bullied. Certainly it was good luck for me to even have friends, as I was a complete dork, but it may have been my even greater good fortune to be the biggest kid in class all through elementary school. I remember ending a fight once by picking up an older kid by the back of his coat and dragging him away from the smaller boy he was on top of, beating up. As I dragged the kid, who was a couple grades ahead of me, across the grass, I was yelling, "Stop fighting, we're going to be late for school!"
If there's one thing I hate more than bullies, it's tardiness.
Your Story Made Me Chuckle...
What you did sounds so much like something I might have done...had I been able (I was quite small). Unfortunately, I was a bit of an "enforcer" of rules...not exactly conducive to being liked...
I remember quite vocally scolding my own father in public because he LITTERED (as in dropped a tiny piece of paper or foil on the sidewalk while getting out a breath mint).
"You go back there and pick that up, you LITTERBUG! I'm not going a step further until you pick that up! If you don't go back and pick that up - then I'm going to!!"
And my early class journals are littered with demands to my teacher to "STOP THE TALKERS!"
Slavery was wrong and so is bullying
As long as we continue to let people say "boys will be boys" or "bullying is a fact of life" then we will get nowhere in this battle. It is hard to get through the tightly shut minds that believe it's just a necessary part of life - but not impossible. Bullying exists at all levels... from the least, most diminutive schoolchild up to the most arrogant and pompous leaders. But just like slavery, just because it exists does not make it right and proper.
Handling bullies
It would seem from the story that Aikido doesn't work. Actually, advanced Aikido teaches one to move first--which may or may not mean a pre-emptive strike. As you have seen, waiting for a bully to make the first move doesn't usually end well.
Keep In Mind
I was only given the bare essentials. It was something he slipped in between "regular" PE activites...and I'm not sure that it was part of the standard curriculum.
What I had learned helped me a great deal...being a small person it helped me to level the playing field...and it seriously threw off the bullies. They'd never seen a kid who used these methods of defense before.
I have to admit (shamefacedly) to having a tiny bit of amusement at the expense of the bullies - in their surprise and confusion as to how to deal with me.
But for the level of expertise I had, dealing with 5, 6 or more kids at once was not possible.
A kid in school should really be focusing on LEARNING
not on beating up the school bully first so that the school bully doesn't beat them up. That is not the function of being a student in school. You're blaming the victim for not doing something when the victim is a child without power, authority, or knowledge. The people with power, authority, and knowledge are the ones supposed to do something about this.
I was at the University of Houston, and the very first professor of my program bullied me during this "math camp." On the third day of math camp, he used the words "explosive," "bomb," "blowing up," etc. about 20 times in the space of two hours. He did it in a metaphorical way like the bully who pulls the victim's hair when the teacher's back is turned. I walked out of that class. A couple days later in "math camp" the same professor asked me and only me of all the students in the math camp whether I was understandng the material and he did it with a sneer. I complained about him to the graduate program director, and even though she had power, knowledge, and authority, she told me it didn't matter and just to ignore it. I would expect something like that from my father who is ignorant and weak, but this woman had the responsibility to help graduate students. The same graduate program director, Chinhui Juhn, told me to stop writing her. How was I supposed to function in the graduate program if I could not communicate with the graduate program director? She did not even recognize this problem. Several other professors at the University of Houston bullied me in other subtle ways that didn't leave a "noticeable bruise" but were still harassment.
HOW CAN STUDENTS FUNCTION IN SCHOOLS WHERE THE PROFESSORS AND ADMINISTRATORS ENCOURAGE, ASSIST AND COLLABORATE WITH THE BULLIES? I COMPLAINED TO SEVERAL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND TO PEOPLE I KNEW AND NONE OF THEM HELPED ME OR DID ANYTHING THAT IMPROVED THE SITUATION. SOME OF THE PSYCHOLOGISTS SWEPT THE BULLYING PROBLEM UNDER THE CARPET. Of course, I hate the people who bullied me for years, but there is a big difference between hating someone and obeying hte laws versus hating someone and manipulating the laws and breaking hte laws in order to criminally hurt the object of your hatred.
MY FFRIENDS BETRAYED ME IN THE SAME WAY THAT THE FRIEND OF LYNNE BETRAYED HER, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY BETRAYED ME. IN CONTRAST TO LYNNE, I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED FOR ABOUT EIGHT YEARS BY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WHEREAS HER STORY IS ABOUT THE BETRAYAL OF ONE PERSON SHE TRUSTED A LONG TIME AGO. MY BETRAYAL HAS COST HE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. HER BETRAYAL DID NOT RESULT IN THE LOSS OF VAST AMOUNTS OF MONEY. MY BETRAYALS HAVE COST ME EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE. SHE DID NOT LOSE YEARS UPON YEARS OF HER LIFE. MY BETRAYALS COST ME YEARS OF SCHOOLING. HER BETRAYAL DID NOT COST HER YEARS AND YEARS OF SCHOOLING. I WAS BETRAYED BY FAMILY, FRIENDS, DOCTORS, HOSPITALS, SCHOOLS, STRANGERS, EMPLOYEES AND EMPLOYERS. RANDOM STRANGERS BROKE INTO MY HOUSE, STOLE MY RPOPERTY, VANDALIZED MY PROPERTY. LYNNE WAS NOT TERRORIZED BY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS, HER FAMILY DID NOT BETRAY HER TOO, HER FRIENDS DID NOT BETRAY HER TOO, COMPLETE STRANGERS DID NOT VANDALIZE HER PROPERTY, STEAL HER PROPERTY, BREAK INTO HER HOME AND ROOMS.
AT LEAST THE PRINCIPAL PAID LIP SERVICE TO THE IDEA THAT HE NEEDED TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO HIT WHO FIRST. CHINHUI JUHN DID NOT PAY EVEN LIP SERVICE TO THE QUESTION OF WHO HIT WHO FIRST. THE UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON DID NOT PAY LIP SERVICE TO THE QUESTION OF STOPPING THE BULLYING. BRIAN CAMEROS DID NOT PAY LIP SERVICE TO THE IDEA OF TELLING THE TRUTH.
MY SITUATION IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS AND DISASTROUS THAN THAT OF LYNNE AND THE AUTHORITY FIGURES WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME HAVE DONE EVEN LESS THAN THE ONES AT HER SCHOOL. AT MY SCHOOLS, THE PRINCIPALS ARE IN THE CROWDS CHEERING ON THE BULLIES DELIVERING THE PUNCHES.
It's clear you went through some very difficult experiences...
However...you jump to some pretty wide conclusions about what has and hasn't happened in my life. Just because I write about this single example of betrayal does not mean that I have not had other betrayals in my life. I think we all need to be cautious about minimizing other's experiences in the process of getting ours heard.
You're right, a child should be focused on learning...as should a university student. I'm sorry that you have had such a difficult time. Your comment does indicate the need to discuss something that many find difficult to believe...that there are school districts and academic environments where faculty at the very least look the other way, and in some cases participate directly in the bullying.
That should be brought to attention, and absolutely not condoned.
It's difficult to go deep into details in the short form of a blog post, but I can tell you that some of this did go on within my experience as well. Abuses went on in the full view of teachers who did nothing whatsoever to stop it...and I suspect it was because they held similar mindsets as the abusers. In short, I think they did nothing because they felt I "deserved it" for being different.
Adults who had gone through the school systems at the same time as the parents of the bullies and some of the school officials reported that they had been bullied by them in the exact same way... The apples didn't fall far from the tree.
Again, I'm very sorry you had such difficult experiences. I hope that someday you can find make peace with the pain you experienced because of them.
I've always been small. At
I've always been small. At age 14, a horrible knee injury ended any dreams that I may have had of doing sport for a living. I have an elder brother, who has always been rather protective of me. He was also captain of my school's rugby team -- in other words, a big, strong guy, unlike me. I was picked on once, at age 6. I didn't cry, didn't say anything to anyone. I started weeping in bed that night. My brother, with whom I shared a bedroom, asked me what happened and I told him. At recess the next day, he gathered the entire school around and the chap who'd picked on me earlier. He informed them that I was his brother and anybody who even thought of messing with me, would be "sorted". At which point, he proceeded to smash the afore-mentioned chap's head into a concrete wall.
For the rest of my school days, I was never touched nor had a finger lifted against me again.
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