Lynne, thank you for asking these questions.

As a woman who was assessed late in life with AS, I too question very profoundly this presumption that people with AS do not have feelings and empathy.

You give as an example, all the self-help relationship gurus, books and courses. Either that points to a very widespread difficulty amongst NTs in understanding others' feelings and motivations, or it means that many more of us are on the autistic spectrum!

Actually, I think the truth lies in between: AS particularly is just being recognised as a neurological mode that affects many more people than had previously been understood (Baron-Cohen's own Autism Centre research suggested 1:58 unofficially last year. I believe it's actually much higher than that). All the same, it's apparently not autistic people who start wars, see images of abused children every night on tv and do nothing, or walk past injured people in the street. In other words, it's not them and us, it's all of us who have difficulties to some degree or other with relating and empathy.

On a personal note, during a recent very debilitating illness I've experienced at first hand how extremely callous NT people can be on a routine basis. My access to treament and care seemed to be far more dependent on my ability to sweettalk people than on my actual medical needs. I've been routinely bullied and taken advantage of even by professionals and 'carers'. When I was in the hospital I saw autism specialists treating a physically poorly low functioning autistic man with the most appalling patronisation and even cruelty.

There's something else going on here. It's all too easy for people who believe themselves to be 'normal' to cast neurologically different people in this 'unempathic' light. I rather think that there's quite a deal of projection and scapegoating going on.

Most on the autistic spectrum (myself included, despite my 98%ile IQ) are naive about the social and other games that a large portion of the population plays. We are literal, we do take things at face value, we're mostly scrupulously honest. We're easy to con. Instead of counting these attributes as 'symptoms' and pathological, why are they not lauded and held up as characteristics to be emulated? Despite so much intellectual ability life is simple, straightforward and honest for us. Isn't this what many many people say they want?! A simpler, honest life?!

As to this 'mindblindness', I have a very full and deeply felt range of emotions- it just takes me a little while to interpret and label what they are. The psychologist explained that this was due to reduced connections, a minimised corpus callosum, between the right and left hemispheres. If it takes me a while to work out my own feelings, then of course it's going to take me a commensurate time to work out others' feelings and motivations. I just cannot play the devious games that a large portion of the population seems to thrive on. Tell me, in a real fix, who would you prefer to have on your side? Someone who has a propensity to being two-faced and manipulative or someone who is upfront, honest to the core?

But these are simplistic ways of putting it. Understanding of AS, even amongst those who consider themselves to be experts, is rudimentary and very much in its infancy. It's my belief that we're going to find that some day AS brains will be credited with some and even many of the world's greatest achievements. Now that experts are beginning to attribute autistic traits to such as Einstein, Mozart, Dickinson, Austen, Jefferson, Thoreau, Spielberg, Gore et al I think we're going to have to revisit just what it is that bugs us about smart, naive, honest, straightforward folks who mostly see the world and think very differently from the majority.

"If the population in general is so good at mind reading, why do people need so much coaching to meet each others' needs?" This is a point I've been making for some time. We see all around us "normal" people making serious errors in understanding others, including the rarely-met expectation that your significant other or a friend will understand what you want or what you mean without your having to spell it out.

Articles like this are sorely needed in providing a more nuanced look at what people on the spectrum understand, and showing how very little different from the norm that can be.

There's only one mental disease that causes a lessening or complete retardation of emotion and that's depression. And you have no sign of that,your column continues to fascinate me. sincerely David Petropoulos

I think that's a key point, David. AS is NOT a mental disease. It's actually a different brain wiring. It's not a pathology. In fact, I am quite interested that the subject of AS has found a home, generally speaking, within the psychology community. Isn't this a physiological difference we're talking about?

Having thought much about my own brain functioning since the assessment, I have come to a working understanding that conventional psychological tools and techniques are not really that appropriate. I looked again at the Sally/Ann example. I believe there's a big flaw in this methodology. Psychologists have everywhere latched onto this 'mindblindness' and have proclaimed it as The Problem with us AS people.

Faced with this set of sequential pictures - a conventional psychological test format - I am almost blinded. Too much information, too much 'snow', too much having to keep information in my working memory in a way that the psychologist choses. Under the pressure of test circumstances, I would say anything to make it stop! In other words, this sort of test proves what the tester wants it to prove. For the most part, it simply shows that my brain does not work like an NT's. I don't believe it demonstrates mindblindness or pathology

Left to my own devices and neurological processes, I know I'd come up with the correct interpretation. I know my brain well enough by now to understand that it skips around such sequences and gets sidetracked by other incoming data (the overwhelming smell of the psychologist's perfume...the buzzing of the room heater...the watermark on the test paper...Ann's shiny earrings...Sally's postbox mouth...). And this is the crucial point: AS brains do not work like NT brains. Why use NT orientated tests on them then?! It's just like using US culturally specific IQ tests on New Guinea tribespeople! The only possible utility would be to demonstrate how 'deficient' a New Guinea person's thinking skills are.

I believe my late husband had Asperger's. He was diagnosed as bipolar shortly before he died, but it didn't fit for a lot of reasons.

He learned how to get by in life. I'm sure that is why he wasn't diagnosed. But he couldn't learn empathy. He could learn the actions and the behavior of others in similar situations, but he didn't understand what was behind them. Maybe he did understand that other people had thoughts and feelings that were different from his, but the connection between him and those other thoughts and feelings was missing.

He learned how to be in a relationship just as he learned how to have a conversation. Yes, eventually after he and I had many arguments, he figured out that conversation wasn't a monologue and that he needed to let others speak. But he had no interest in what others had to say. He was only waiting for others to shut up so he could pick up from where he left off.

In same way, he simulated the actions of somone in a relationship, but it wasn't reciprocal. I'm sure he felt and experienced love. But it was a selfish kind of love--on his terms, his time frame, with what he was able to give. The consideration for other's needs or feelings beyond what he experienced did not exist for him.

It's my belief that Asperger's and austim is not just another way of being. it's robs people of the ability to truly and fully experience humanity.

Denise,

I'm truly sorry to hear about your late husband. Bless your heart.

However, it seems like he may have been a narcissist, the heir of a pathological personality, not someone with AS.

How someone behaves depends on their brain wiring, their upbringing, and life experiences. Narcissism is a disorder of the personality, often influenced by how one is raised; Unlike those with AS, Narcissists can be very socially adept, even manipulative. Wielding a formidable lack of empathy, narcissists are able to use and abuse others.

Nevertheless, this lack of empathy is the hallmark of narcissism. Those with AS do not necessarily lack empathy, they merely think on a different level than "normal" people.

However, you knew him best. It is your call.

Regarding Simon Baron-Cohen's description of the autistic spectrum in terms of systematizer/empathizer measure- it seems more of a classification of symptoms rather than a theory that explains misbehavior. I am not a psychologist, however I am dismayed that there is so much controversy over the problem of childhood behavior disorders. Maybe an alternative measure, between rationality and (perhaps call it) conditionality, might provide better insight into the nature of disorder and how people react to it.

Nowadays public schools emphasize teaching students to think, rather than rote learning. They stress rational methods, to the extent that a successful person is brought up to automatically define the opposite of rationality as irrationality. For example, well-educated people frequently negotiate behavior with their children. They do so because they believe it is never too early to teach rationality. They offer choices, count to three, and explain the reasons why the child should behave. Many kids have an instinct for reason, and respond very well to that kind of upbringing.

I think a conditional child understands the world and other people in terms of people's habits, not their thoughts. Their world is mainly one of stimulus and response, which is why nagging is a reinforcement to them. Their behavior is the stimulus, and the parent's reminders are the response. They act immature because an infant's viewpoint is entirely conditioning. I suggest parents ought to focus on their habits, train them towards self-control and save the explanations until they are older.

The constant argument between disciplinarians and proponents of diagnosis is self-defeating for our society, and especially so for families. Parents often write, "behavior therapy did not work". Positive behavior support is the prevailing method, and many excellent reasons exist for following it. My hope is that parents who recognize conditionality in a child will have the reason they require to follow methods with more structure and less thinking.

I'm a bit nervous about saying this, but, as a person with Aspberger's who works with two other aspies, in my experience I actually have more problems dealing with my two aspie coworkers then the other staff.

My NT coworkers are much faster at figuring out when I'm stressed, annoyed, or not interested. I also find them much easier to read, though to be fair I've spent a lot of time studying body language.

The NT co-workers also, after having been informed of my difficulties, tend to be more supportive. This isn't necessarily evidence of insensitivity though - if I am feeling stressed by something, there's a decent chance that the other aspies are also feeling stressed and so are less able to deal with others.

I am often bothered by the fact that in this generation, conditions such as ADHD, Asperger Syndrome, and even Bipolar Disorder seem to be indiscriminately assigned to people without any regard to: a. situational impacts, or b. neurodiversity WITHIN people. Why can't the psychiatric industry just reconcile with the fact that some people have differing perceptions of things, and differing ways of solving problems. Not everything fits neatly into a categorical distinction, and I can honestly attest from my experience as a clinician that many of the individuals I have seen who were diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome really had no autistic component to their diagnosis - THEY WERE JUST DIFFERENT!! In my professional opinion, I really think there shouldn't be a distinction between Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism. Furthermore, based on this premise, someone CANNOT have Asperger Syndrome unless they have the pronounced neurocognitive or behavioral deviations associated with Autism. Additionally, there are plenty of things out there that can RESEMBLE autism, but are not necessarily autism. Psychiatrists these days seem to operate under the modality that if it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it IS a duck. And so they make diagnoses on the basis of one or two parallel characteristics without considering different explanations. Furthermore, their psychological evaluations for conditions such as ADHD, Asperger Syndrome, and even Bipolar Disorder (which I was misdiagnosed with) are deliberately ambiguous such that anyone can fit the description. I know because I was given one for Bipolar, and I can attest that it was about 85% subjective.

From my observations, I can honestly say that unless someone has the pronounced neurocognitive or behavioral variations associated with autism, they do not have Asperger Syndrome. Therefore, what is often misconstrued as Asperger Syndrome is often (from what I've seen in patients) merely a behavioral condition with similarities to Asperger Syndrome. But unless someone TRULY has an autistic component in the category of social misperception or kinesthetic neurological dysregulation (i.e. lack of motor coordination), they do NOT have Asperger Syndrome, and instead have a behavioral condition which may resemble an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but could easily be explained behaviorally.

However, even if someone has a severe Autism Spectrum Disorder, the cognitive/behavioral manifestations of it can be lessened to a considerable degree through cognitive/behavioral conditioning. I have read reports of a 2-year old child who was thought to be severely autistic at the time he was diagnosed. However, six years later, this same child was observed again and could make eye-contact, hold normal conversations with people, and was very social and active. So these things can be overcome.

I do think, though, that psychiatrists need to exercise considerable discretion in diagnosing patients with Asperger Syndrome, and need to consider the prospect of behavioral explanations before they make the diagnosis. I have seen many cases in which a neurotypical individual was misdiagnosed with Asperger Syndrome simply because he had a few behavioral characteristics which RESEMBLED an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, but were not, in fact, caused by autism. So unless there is a clear autistic component, Asperger Syndrome is a behavioral condition that can be outgrown.

Hi, I have been reading this blog and wondered if there was a blog for partners of a person with AS. I have begun to suspect that my husband has this form of autism. He displays several of the behaviors described by everything I have read lately. I am desparately looking for support.

We have been married nearly 30 years and while I have done my best while always feeling as though I was in an alternate universe with him, it is becoming more and more difficult.

Sina, there is a website that has vast amounts of information for partners/spouses of a person with AS.
It's www.faaas.org (families of adults affected by asperger syndrome)

Lynne, I think you are right.

NTs think everyone thinks like they do, and Aspies think everyone thinks like we do (at first anyway, we eventually learn otherwise).

In a room with 99 NTs and 1 Aspie, the judgement is that the Aspie is at fault, for not understanding how everyone else's mind works.

I think it's true that we don't pick up social cues, and emotional content in body language and tone of voice etc. It's like being deaf when everyone else is speaking.

But as you say, if they are so damn good at theory of mind why do they need books like "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?

When the experts say an Aspie has no theory of mind because they think others know what they know - I think this may be a fuzzy boundary that the aspie shares with schizophrenia. This is only a very tentative idea, I have not thought this through, and I don't know very much.

A normal person knows what is inside his head, and what is outside his head. But a schizophrenic has this filter missing. Things that originate inside his head appear to be coming from outside his head.

Perhaps something similar is at play when someone with Aspergers thinks that others share the same information that is inside his head.

I wonder how valproic acid works?