imY FAMILY says that prople take advantage of me?
I know for a fact that as a child i was abused ofte and repeatedly.
My wife treated me like dirt and then left me, Wfat can I do.
Lee

I think that conflict at work is one of the most challenging things for an aspie in the workplace.   I understand feeling taken advantage of and helpless, which builds up and up until you feel you are so angry you want to have a fist fight about it.  Unfortunately, I think that many of us deal with discomfort with conflict one of two ways, not saying anything, or blowing up.  This can be dangerous, and can give a bad reputation as a rageoholic.

The fact of the matter is confronting someone can be a very delicate matter - and doing so successfully often requires an ability to read the other persons' signals, and situational signals which may be difficult for us to read.   For me, I have coped by finding an NT that I can trust and running the situation by them.  They can usually provide the missing social context and information that I may have missed. 

Also, I've worked in the last few years to learn the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.  I've learned to talk about things early, before they get big.  If you swallow slight after slight after slight, you find that you overreact at bad times.  If you draw the line (carefully and respectfully) early, it can help.  Where is your line? Decide ahead of time so that you don't have to make that decision under duress. You may need to fight the little fights, before they become big ones.   Some managers will try to test your boundaries, so you need to actively protect them.   If they see that you're willing to do X, they may up the ante and ask you to do Y.   So, know your endgame.

The other piece is she may not be reading YOU - if you have difficulty expressing emotion, she may not realize exactly how upset you are, without an outward expression of it.   NTs show very clearly that they are upset with their body language.  If you are not showing that, even your verbal assertions of being angry may not be taken as seriously, because you're not displaying the customary "angry" body language and tone of voice.  Unfortunately, this comes with the territory.

If you are good at seeing patterns, see if you can find any in the situations that you're angry about.   What are the common themes?  Are they dumping last minute crises on you?  Is there a specific person who's involved?  Is your boss taking the way of least resistance (another worker will push back if they assign the work, so they assign it to you, figuring you won't say anything)?   If so, you may gently have to say, "I know that there is a large workload today, however, I have a personal commitment I need to take care of, so I will need to leave at 5 today.  I'd be happy to teach Reggie what needs to be done..."  This sets your boundaries, but offers a solution to help her get what she needs done.

If possible, it's best not to make it about you.  This can make you seem like a problem employee.  If you can, reframe your concern as a team concern...for example, if there's something that you're constantly stuck with on the excuse that you're the only one who knows how to do it, you may want to say, "I know that I am the only one that knows how to to do this, however, I believe we need to train someone else as well.  What would happen if I were hit by a bus tomorrow? We need to maintain continuity of service.  I'd be happy to train someone -  Reggie has the right background..."

It helps to be aware that there may be some components to the situation that you are not properly reading... For example, someone snaps at you.  You don't know what the heck you did to deserve that.  Instead of snapping back you reign yourself back and ask, "I may have read this wrong, but when you spoke to me just now, you seemed angry.  Is something the matter?"  This opens the door for them to tell you what is bothering them - maybe it's something you didn't realize you did.  Maybe it's something that you disagree with, either way you're talking rather than yelling. You may discover something that you did that you didn't realize.

Also, you have to build up a tolerance in understanding that sometimes, people will not be happy with you.   You can only do your best, but in the end, no-one can be all things to everybody.  Sometimes you have to say "No" - and know that there will be flack.     There are, unfortunately, as many bullies in the workplace as there were on the playground - except now they're grown up and a little more sophisticated.   Be firm, but courteous and polite.   Bullies thrive on getting you upset - so don't let them get  you upset if you can help it.

For some resources to find support groups check out the Oasis web site:

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Click on "Support Groups."

Hi there, I can see it's been months since you posted this, but I hope you have come to some peace since then. I am sorry to hear of your situation, it's a tough one. It sounds like your dad, whether he has AS or something else, cannot really comprehend the effect of his actions. In this case, I don't think you are going to get any joy out of trying to get an apology from him, sadly. I know you have a right to expect it, but since it's unlikely to happen, it would probably be best for you to make up your mind to move past it somehow, perhaps with counselling or other help, otherwise it will continue to have a hold over you and your life. I wish you all the best!