My 17 yr old child told us about a year ago that he/she is transgender and now wants to start hormones. He has been to a psychologist once who says he is a typical transgender. I want to let him do it, but it scares me, his father would like him to way until he is 18. (10 months away). What should we do?

ANSWER

Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn't encourage a teenager to get a tattoo, let alone endorse taking hormones to begin a gender transition.

A 17 year old is still transitioning from being a child to being an adult. I think that's enough of a transition. As adults it's our responsibility to slow teenagers down in their quest to make life-altering decisions.

That's not to say that I don't think teens know who they are and what they want. I often recall with frustration the extent to which adults in my life minimized my feelings, my relationships and my desires during my teenage years. If mine were ‘stages,' it's been decades of being in the same stage... My point is, your child may very well be transgendered and in 5 years may decide to begin hormone therapy, but first, I'd hope he/she is in psychotherapy, intensely, with someone who knows what it means to be transgender. You mentioned a psychologist who he/she saw. That should be present tense, and not because there is something wrong with him/her, but because anyone who verbalizes what your child has verbalized deserves to have assistance sorting through and processing their feelings, which, by the way, can change with age.