Good points, Paul. I've amended my original post with responses. In brief: Being in control of the fantasy is different from your self-character in the fantasy having control, and having nonconsensual sex with someone who turns you on doesn't mean it's not rape.

Thank you for your thoughts, i agree with many of what your speak.

I think the term "rape fantasy" means a fantasy about being helplessly taken, but enjoying it. I think men have them too, of both kinds: Being helplessly taken by a beautiful woman, and also of sexually taking a woman who is helpless. But most mentally healthy people, I would assume, also imagine everyone enjoying it in the end. That's what makes it a fantasy, not a nightmare.

I very much like the assertion you make about why these fantasies are not really rape: because the woman is in control and feels no fear. However, I think that your argument ends there. Most rape does not occur by a gang of grease monkeys with missing front teeth - unless that is of course the company you keep; 85% of rape is committed by people the woman knows. Doctors, lawyers, students, accountants, professors, teachers, repairmen, software designers and yep, serious bodice-ripping hunks. It is also unlikely that a bodice-ripping hunk rapist would have gotten their muscles from lifting weights in jail or that they learned Shakespeare in a cell with bubba - only 6% of rapists ever see jail time. If a woman is fanaticizing about her co-worker raping her it is a more accurate depiction of a rapist than a sleazy gangster from an alley.

I'm 25, I've had these fantasies for the majority of my life, and I've found a way to live them out without actually being raped. I have an 'erotic rape fetish' but I think it would be better described as a marital rape fetish.

My fiance knows that he can do anything he wants to me. I genuinely enjoy suffering at his hands, for his pleasure. I hate being scared and being hurt, and being beaten if I fight or say no, but I am fulfilled by what I hate.

I guess it's different from a fantasy because it's something I'm actually living, but I think that it's possible to genuinely surrender control, even if you choose the person you surrender control to.

I guess these days people would think I'm absolutely nuts, but not too long ago a married woman was the property of her husband, and even if it wasn't legally rape I'm sure there were many women who felt violated by forced sex. The only difference between them and me is that I choose to stay and they had no choice.

of course rape fantasy is not the same as real rape, it's just a fantasy about having sex with a dominant male, to link fantasy with reality is stupid, that's why so many people keep fantasies to themselves. if you can't be in control of ur own fantasy what's the point of dreaming and having fantasies!. there just a fantasy, we all have certain things that turn us on and excite us, i dream and fantasize about loads of things in life, but i know most of them are just pipe dreams. i have rape fantasies, i also fantasise about being a millionaire, both give me a buzz,

i agree somewhat with what you are saying. i sometimes fantasise about 'rape' myself but ive come to terms with the fact that i obviously dont actually want to be raped, and when i fantasise about it, my fantasies always involve my boyfriend as being the one who is supposedly raping. i think it has alot more to do with submission and women who like rough play and being dominated over than actually being raped. honestly, what person actually would want to be raped properly. ive read alot of articles that describe rape fantasies as being more about the woman feeling flattered with things such as she is so desirable and unattainable that the man mst unleash his animalistic side. so perhaps its not so much rape fantasy, more submission etc

This does not apply to me, and I am a woman with rape fantasies. I think there is such a thing as a true "rape fantasy," and that is what I have. However, I would not consider myself mentally healthy.

My rape fantasies involve scenes of violent and degrading sex torture committed by men who disgust me, like an overweight and dirty old man, or a socially awkward and unattractive geek who masterminded a plan to imprison me and torture me with strange machines.

For me, there is a strong humiliation-pleasure connection. My own fantasies disturb me and give me fear, but they are the only thing that works for me sexually. I can't get off without them.

And, um, I'm in therapy right now trying to deal with this, but just wanted to state my piece.

I've had many a fantasy in which I had no say in what happened to me. But what do you know-- what happened was exactly what I wanted, only those people who controlled me didn't even realise it! That fantasy is completely selfish-- and quite rightly after all, since it's a masturbation fantasy.

I've tried bottoming within the BDSM scene, and soon realised that I could not translate my fantasies to real life. I found my best bet was to become a top; I can play out what I want on the person of someone else, and I find that's very satisfactory for both of us. Gotta love those mirror neurons!

I think the author has limited himself to linear thinking by making the suggestion that it is impossible to be in control of a fantasy wherein one does not have control.

This only seems like a contradiction when one does not apply lateral thought. The human mind is fully capable of dividing into multiple personas and, as Matthew Hutson suggests, projecting a "fantasy self".

Though the actual self in in control, the fantasy self is not. The fantasy self may be subject very much to a degrading, humiliating, terrifying rape. In the mind of the role player, this is a real rape once the agreed upon scenario commences.

The fact that it doesn't jibe with reality, that it isn't an actual rape or that the woman would never want to be raped in real life is completely immaterial. The same can generally be said of many other sexual fantasies, not just rape fantasies. That's why it's called a fantasy.

Or if you'd rather, take a more linear approach and arrive at the same conclusion:

Is it a fantasy? Yes.

Is it a fantasy involving rape? Yes.

Is it a rape fantasy? Yes.

That was a very smart and important reply. I think calling them rape fantasy is almost harmful to women in that it makes it more permissible for men to rape them. Anything that a women is creating in her mind for her own sexual arousal can not be rape because rape is unwanted and when a women is constructing a fantasy she wants to enjoy these THOUGHTS in her mind.