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Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Cleaning up emotional pollution.
by Steven Stosny
Steven Stosny, Ph.D., treats people for anger and relationship problems. Recent books: How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It, and Love Without Hurt. See full bio
April 21, 2009

Emotions in the Real World

If you feel misunderstood by other people, and your individual therapy is failing on top of it, the likely reason is that you and your therapist are emphasizing your feelings and failing to see your emotions as social phenomena. Read More

April 16, 2009

Forget Feelings, Think Motivation

Emotions move us. The word, "emotion," derived from the Latin, literally means "to move." The ancients believed that emotions move behavior; in modern times we say they motivate behavior. They energize us to do things by sending powerful chemical signals to the muscles and organs of the body. Read More

April 15, 2009

Secrets of the Silent Husband

Every marriage therapist has heard it dozens of times. The tearful wife says, "I'm not sure he really loves me anymore," and the bewildered man drops his jaw in astonishment.

"What do you mean I don't love you, I go to work every day!" he protests.
"You would do that anyway," she says scornfully. Read More

April 13, 2009

Marriage Problems: 50 Ways to Cause Fear and Shame

I've posted before - and with Pat Love have written a book about - the ancient fear-shame dynamic that secretly undermines intimate relationships. Read More

April 9, 2009

Marriage Problems: Resentment and the Decline of Interest

Resentment can begin to threaten the survival of your relationship without either of you knowing it and with neither of you doing anything wrong. You start to forge chains of resentment when one of you inadvertently lets your interest in the other decline. That's not hard to do, since interest, left on its own, naturally wanes with familiarity. Read More

April 8, 2009

An Early Warning that Conflict Might Turn Dangerous

I get many emails from people in high-conflict marriages who want to know if they are being abused. First I advise them that definitions are not the issue - the only thing that really matters is that they feel respected and are respectful in their disagreements, even in torrents of anger and anxiety. Read More

April 4, 2009

Living with an Angry Partner

The biggest challenge of living with a resentful or angry person is to keep from becoming one yourself. The high contagion and reactivity of resentment and anger are likely to make you into someone you are not. Read More

April 1, 2009

Core Value Eating

Crossing domains presents enormous problems for weight control and other behavior management programs and is a major contributor to their failure. The habituated domain is faster than - and largely insulated from - conscious regulation. In the short run, consciousness can win. But the long haul - the one that matters for behavior management - always goes to habits. Read More

March 30, 2009

Why We Think Thin and Eat Fat

A major flaw of eating control programs is that they rely on conscious ways to manage habitual and impulsive behaviors that are relentlessly driven by unconscious motivations. They want you to think before you eat. If it were only that easy! The problem is you are almost always motivated to eat long before you think. Read More

March 28, 2009

Weight Management Myths

All eating is emotional. The tough part is choosing which group of emotions you want to motivate your eating. Read More

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Books by Steven Stosny

Image of Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One
Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One
Image of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Image of The Powerful Self
The Powerful Self

Self-Help Basics

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Most of us have things about ourselves we wish we could improve. Lasting change is difficult—many of our habits are deeply ingrained, and certain aspects of ourselves, such as core personality attributes, may be immutable. But many more things can be changed.

Go to the Self-Help Basics page for more on Self-Help including:
  • Being Your Best Self
  • Becoming More Mindful
  • Self-Reinvention
  • Building a Healthy Relationship
  • Becoming Happier
  • Setting and Achieving Goals
Go to Self-Help Basics

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