The primary way that children learn how men should behave in relationships is by watching you. Even if you do not live with their mother, your children are keenly aware of the way you interact with her. Most divorce and domestic violence happens to men and women who grew up without a father modeling compassionate relationship behavior.
Here are 10 tips to help you model the way you want your daughter to be treated in her adult relationships, and the way you want your son to treat those he loves.
- Value their mother: Children value themselves and others more when they feel that their mother and father value one another.
- Perspective-taking (seeing things through someone else's eyes): Show your children the importance of respecting the perspectives of people they love, even when they disagree with them.
- Cooperation: Show how to participate willingly in work, problem-solving, or task-accomplishment.
- Negotiation: Show your children how to work out solutions to problems that respect one another's perspectives.
- Resourcefulness: Never stop trying to make things better.
- Motivation to improve: Approach disagreements with an attitude of reconciliation.
- Compassion: This gut-level reaction to your partner's pain, discomfort, or anxiety includes sympathy, protectiveness, and willingness to help but not control. It recognizes that your partner is different from you, with her own temperament, set of experiences, beliefs, values, and preferences.
- Good will: Learning a positive attitude toward the people they love will greatly improve your children's chances of having good relationships. Think good thoughts about your partner, and always give her the benefit of a doubt.
- Affection: Showing affection toward their mother makes children feel more secure.
- Relationship investment: Successful relationships require demonstrating care and doing nice things for one another.
