I agree completely with your article. Unfortunately, many men do not realize the impact they have on their children and how it will affect them into adulthood. Regardless if men do this out of spite towards the mother or just plain ignorance, the ramifications are ultimately upon the child.

My ex has ridiculed, disrepected and completely berated me in front of our children, at this point, they do not want anything to do with him and I believe that is primarily a result of how his actions towards me have played out.

The most important thing a Father can do for his children is to love and respect their Mother.

Well said.

You've been a really great role-model, Dr. Stosny. You're like a Fairy Blog Father :)

I agree with your article -- in the basic "ups and downs" marriage life that most couples experience. I do not agree with it in the context of relationships with emotionally or physically abusive mothers or mothers with personality disorders.

In those circumstances, I think that the operative words are "respect and fairness". It is, in my view, bad modeling for your children to show unrestricted affection for a mother who is not treating you, as a father, with respect and affection. What message does that send to a child -- boy or girl? "If your wife treats you badly, you must endure and accept it because you are a man and that is the job you must do for her and your children -- your happiness is not important". or "it is OK to make demands of you husband and treat him badly -- you, as a wife and mother are entitled to unconditional love and respect, no matter who badly you treat your husband and, by analogy, your children."

In my view, modeling, in some circumstances, requires a more arms length approach -- respecting their mother even though she does not respect you -- but communicating that respect and affection between adults generally is earned, and that no adult has an unlimited license to treat another badly and that no adult has a duty to continue to accept bad treatment indefinitely. This "modeling", in my view teaches children that they have an obligation to others to respect their feelings and their persons -- but that they also have an obligation to themselves to appropriately pursue their own happiness -- because their happiness is important too -- not just their partner's. It also teaches that there is a limit to endurance and that affection will expire if not given "regularly fed" and attended.

I believe these lessons are equally important.