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When people are falling in love, they rarely have fantasies of power: "I'm going to make this sucker do whatever I want!" Rather, they have fantasies of value, of loving and being loved. We marry for value, not for power. Yet most marital discord is a substitution of power for value. Read More
i know there is great value
i know there is great value in this article, but can you please reiterate it in plain english?
value->cooperation->empowerment
In summation, if the formula for cooperation is to show value and make someone feel important, then we will feel empowered whether we get cooperation or not. This is so important to me as a mom who empowers her children and spouse every day but may not always get cooperation in my own endeavors from them. With this power I can make decisions and assert myself, not avoid or attack, in my own best interests and that of my family's based on my own personal core values.
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Power in relationships
This issues brought up in your post are crucial IMHO.
I see power in relationships as the ability to define the relationship. The more say you have in determining what type of relationship you have, the more power you have.
Power is something that is negotiated as you and your partner address your different views of the relationship. Mutual caring leads to "soft" negotiations, an attraction to giving to your partner in order to establish a mutually satisfying relationship.
Unhealthy relationships value control over relationship. This leads to "cold" negotiations that communicate, "I would rather have my way than be close to you."
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