Do you have anything you've written about emotional abuse and this kind of cycle as it happens in the parent/child relationship, rather than a partner/spouse?

Do you have any ideas of why a person develops an emotional abusive personality? What do you think about an abusive son towards his mother? Denial from the abusive side?

This is the epitomy of my relatioship with my ex, and ironically, I still allow it. He's actually become more straight forward about it the more that time goes on. It's hard to accept, but for the most part, I believe he only goes to this extreme with me. Can that be?? Its very difficult to be in this type of situation when you love the other individual and it is very difficult not to feel at fault~

My sister is going through a divorce right now, separating from her emotionally abusive husband. I was the one closest to her for a long time while she was married, because I was the only one who believed and understood her-- mostly because I was always around to witness his behavior and the changes in her personality.

After being a part of her life and observing an emotionally abusive relationship very closely, I thought that I would never have trouble finding a really genuine, good guy. But I feel that I've maybe found the opposite in my boyfriend... I feel fine right now, but I've been researching emotional abuse and it's actually making me very worried. I know that I probably won't feel low about myself right away, so how can I tell before things get bad? There are a couple of things that apply to our relationship, and I'm not sure if i'm over reacting.

I am currently reading Love Without Hurt, and have just downloaded Heals. I have been in a whirlwind of verbal abuse with my boyfriend and have left him 3 or 4 times recently. I go back, just like you say in your book. We are currently broken up after a terrible fight this weekend. I am sure it is in your books somewhere. How do you get a guy to heal if he doesn't think the words "verbal/emotional Abuse" apply to him? He has said he will do anything for "us" but not when it comes to those words. I am in so much pain now and the past few times of our fights I have fought back and gotten angry too. I don't like where this is going.

Like I said, we are broken up. I walked away again.
How do you get him to look at alternatives when we aren't talking or together?

hello please can you help i am split up from my daughtres mother i have a p/r order first of she did not let me see my daughter untill she wos six months old the when she wos about 3 half to 4 made 3 aligasions of child abuss againest me which i have proven to be all lies this week on monday i got a phone call from my ex saying bridie wos in hospital and wos in a commer i attend the hospital and bridie wos moved to a london hospital where it wos arranged that i would meet her and her mother when i arrived at the hospital i wos not a loud in and jumped by the sercurity i cant take anymore of this i feel ill and i dont like the way i feel i want to smasher mother to death my hole body is hurting this is my child to is there a way to stop this evil women hurting me and my child her mother spend so much time brain woshing her or is it me have i got it wrong am i not suppossed to love my child when will the crulty stop please HELP........................

My wife and I have been married 13 years. Two girls, 5 & 2. Solid, but not spectacular relationship. Good mutual respect, intellectual, mostly satisfying. In hindsight we took our relationship for granted and got lazy with our relationship while we became parents. I lost my job 9 months ago. She is forced back to work. We both have/had issues as a byproduct of that event. Me with loss and rejection (career, control, financial capacity, guilt on many levels) and anger/rage as a byproduct. She has big maternal grief over going back to work, switching of roles and dealing with my attitude. We grew distant during this period and never found quality time or conversations to help each other through this tough time. I started therapy about 6 months ago with noticeable improvement in emotional state and demeanor. Fate may have been sealed by then though. For the last three to four months she has methodically shut me out (we had only occasionally been sleeping in the same bed as our daughters had either stayed or reinserted in the “master” bed). Over this same period I have been supportive, companionate, outgoing. She has acknowledged this “new” attitude but rarely if ever showed appreciation or in some cases acknowledging nice deeds or most frustratingly, declined to take steps (symbolic or real) to improve our situation.
This pattern of shutting me out was/is very troubling and triggered more or greater feelings of abandonment and rejection on my part. This has resulted in us having several heated arguments – with volume on my part and cold distance on her part. She began solo therapy where her therapist immediately diagnosed emotional abuse. In what I have learned, I agree we have BOTH exhibited abusive traits over the last several months. I realize that my history (while we rarely fought) of arguing in this style has a cumulative effect and suppressed "free speech". It’s a vicious, negative feedback loop that has us now living apart on temporary basis and each struggling from one counseling session to the next. I expect us to separate more permanently soon.
Through counseling and self education I think we both now see what we have to do to have any hope of repairing or stopping the bleeding. I'll take a Band-Aid right now. We know we can't fix overnight. That may or may not be successful and I think it hinges a lot on if we can get through the current mutual pain and mistrust. Any and all help is needed ASAP! We are both desperate. No winners if we split – it is only degrees of loss.

My wife and I have been married 13 years. Two girls, 5 & 2. Solid, but not spectacular relationship. Good mutual respect, intellectual, mostly satisfying. In hindsight we took our relationship for granted and got lazy with our relationship while we became parents. I lost my job 9 months ago. She is forced back to work. We both have/had issues as a byproduct of that event. Me with loss and rejection (career, control, financial capacity, guilt on many levels) and anger/rage as a byproduct. She has big maternal grief over going back to work, switching of roles and dealing with my attitude. We grew distant during this period and never found quality time or conversations to help each other through this tough time. I started therapy about 6 months ago with noticeable improvement in emotional state and demeanor. Fate may have been sealed by then though. For the last three to four months she has methodically shut me out (we had only occasionally been sleeping in the same bed as our daughters had either stayed or reinserted in the “master” bed). Over this same period I have been supportive, companionate, outgoing. She has acknowledged this “new” attitude but rarely if ever showed appreciation or in some cases acknowledging nice deeds or most frustratingly, declined to take steps (symbolic or real) to improve our situation.
This pattern of shutting me out was/is very troubling and triggered more or greater feelings of abandonment and rejection on my part. This has resulted in us having several heated arguments – with volume on my part and cold distance on her part. She began solo therapy where her therapist immediately diagnosed emotional abuse. In what I have learned, I agree we have BOTH exhibited abusive traits over the last several months. I realize that my history (while we rarely fought) of arguing in this style has a cumulative effect and suppressed "free speech". It’s a vicious, negative feedback loop that has us now living apart on temporary basis and each struggling from one counseling session to the next. I expect us to separate more permanently soon.
Through counseling and self education I think we both now see what we have to do to have any hope of repairing or stopping the bleeding. I'll take a Band-Aid right now. We know we can't fix overnight. That may or may not be successful and I think it hinges a lot on if we can get through the current mutual pain and mistrust. Any and all help is needed ASAP! We are both desperate. No winners if we split – it is only degrees of loss.

i grew up with an emotionally abusing father, i was very late born, by 10 years to my next sibling and 21 years to my oldest sibling. i had always been afraid of my father, as towards other people he seems like the most amazing person, but towards was another story. i never could understand what it was that i was doing wrong, i was never good enough, i was stupid, etc it goes on. but im a stronger adult now that has learnt to put my feet on the ground and have some amazing relationships around me. my biggest concern is that of my mother. my mother is in a very dark place, and im afraid it may be to late to help her. she has had trauma in her past - her husband dying and now has the trauma of the emotional abuse put upon her by her current husband. she was diagnosed with depression and is on medication, but has not been taken to see a specialist to talk to. she is fully dependant on my father, cannot use a remote control for the tv, cannot dial a 6 digit number on a telephone, can not sign her signature at all, cannot cook anymore, and has bad memory loss. when asked to do any of the above, she becomes very nervous and frustrated and refuses to try. i need to help her as other siblings choose to look away or just believe that something is wrong but nothing as bad.
i eventually fought with my father and came clean about exactly what i thought about all his comments (some which still remain) over the years and tried to reason with him, but nothing changed, now i keep my distance and am a polite daughter, for the sake of being a respectful person. how do i help my mom, i dont know what to do.