Probably because I lucked into a few key TV shows as an "expert," I am asked all the time by the press why marriage is so difficult. To back up the question, interviewers cite the high number of divorces, persistent reports of distressed marriages, and horrendous rates of abuse.

I usually reply to the inevitable "marriage is hard" question with another question: "For whom is marriage hard?"

In fact, marriage is only hard for those who:

• Try to make their partners into someone they are not

• Believe they have superior rights, tastes, preferences, beliefs, or morality

• Are unwilling to use binocular vision to see their partner's perspectives alongside their own

• Are convinced that their partners are selfish, mentally ill, or defective

• Are unwilling to admire their partners' strengths and regard their vulnerabilities with compassion and support