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Since our boot camps were featured on a couple of Oprah Winfrey Shows (they'd been around for a decade before the popular media discovered them), I have been interviewed often about the "radically new" idea of treating resentful, angry, and abusive people by training them to experience compassion. Read More
Love without Hurt: Boot Camps for Compassion
"As you experience the healing of genuine compassion, you understand that your partner cannot heal without compassion for you, which means he must see, hear, and value you as separate from him."
Can you explain more about the last part of this phrase? I am a man and the abuser in the relationship that was. I was very good at blame and did not realize it and its effects.
Chris
Congratulations for wanting to do better.
If you were abusive, you did not see your partner’s perspective but merely reacted to the way she made you feel, as if she were nothing more than a source of feelings for you. With compassion, you learn to see her as separate from you, with her own emotional history, set of experiences, vulnerabilities, desires, and preferences. This would enrich your experience of her. As a result, you would value her, even when you disagree with her. Look at compassionpower.com, particularly, Love without Hurt.
Bootcamps..Where and When??
Steven Stosny, I am a firm believer in the bootcamp concept, being a marriage encounter person from a past marriage.
I am thinking that we might get a better result actually attending a bootcamp. Do you still hold bootcamps? Do you hold them on the West Coast? My husband and I currently live in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Hopeful.
Bonnie
All in Maryland
Boot Camp
If one cannot afford to go to the Boot Camp, is going through it in the book just as effective?
Book
These are also my beliefs, any recommendations?
I have held steadfastly on through a very tough 3 year relationship with the same ideas. I will not budge, yet things fell through because I was caught in believing that I was crazy to even try, so I was changing my strategy all the time. I'd have compassion, then guilt then anger, then guilt then compassion over and over. People turned their back on me, and my therapist just couldn't support me.
It made me feel crazy to be all alone with my beliefs. I don't know if I could have saved our relationship, but I would have had a better chance had I known about your teachings. We were very much in love. Where can I find someone in NYC for individual therapy who understands your concepts and practices them? I would be very grateful. Thank you.
Saving yourself vs. the relationship
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