Thanks for this blog on Guilt vs Responsibility Steven. I'm new to your blog but I enjoyed your keen observation about how so often we humans are actively blaming and making people wrong, thus reinforcing the very same behavior we are trying to stop! We are so blind to what we are doing. We just can't see it and we wonder why the people we are trying to "correct" get so angry at us! I've been working in this arena for a long time, both on the personal level, but now also on the "macro" level of international peace, and it is astonishing to me how much difficulty people have in seeing how we much hurt we inflict on other people and then expect them to change. As if we'd be likely to change ourselves if people shouted at us, demeaned us or dispespected us. It's all a question of putting ourselves in other peoples' shoes. I learned this, a victim of violence myself, when I volunteered for several years, in a maximum security prison, and worked with very violent offenders. It was amazing how much we were alike! I'm going to come back and read more of your other posts. Keep up the great work.

Excellent post. So we are truly guilty it's blaming the guilt on someone or something else that increases the pollution. Versus taking responsibility for our guilt and doing something about it "to make the situation at least a little better". Shouldn't the title actually be "Blame vs Responsibility is Powerlessness vs Power"?

U are the best. Hope it will help people who are blind to the fact that they contribute to made the world nasty and question their negative behaviour that made the world more nasty.
Another topic to explore is how we harm people psychologically , we will harm ourself inevitably. The direct effect for example, we harm people badly, we become bastard ourself and psychologically, we will harm our mental health etc etc.

I haven't read your other posts and just stumbled on to this one while looking at some material on guilt, but I'm with you 100% on the concept of spreading emotional pollution by reacting to emotionally violent behavior with more emotional violence. It does nothing except contribute to the narcissist's sense of entitlement. "I had a right to punch you in the nose...look at the way you treat me!"...Never mind that your behavior came after the fact, he will never see that as an obstacle to his logic.
I do wonder where these classes on domestic violence that you mention were held; they sound awful and very much not what I have experienced (second hand.) Most of the classes I have heard or heard about tried to teach the batterer about the addictions inherent in domestic violence-.the addiction of the abuser to violence and that of the abused to the abuser. This approach seeks to REMOVE the anger from the situation-not fuel more of it. It's sad to know that there is still so much misinformation and so many poorly trained people trying to deal with this enormous problem.

I wonder, though, how one can teach compassion, except perhaps by example-How do you teach people how to not throw the first stone, of how not to judge so quickly and with such absolute certainty.Our society is in trouble on so many levels, but much if not most of what's wrong stems directly from the inability of 95% of us to stand back and look at our own behavior before judging that of another..or better still, to and look into our own minds and really see what we are capable of doing,and how easily we could be driven to the most despicable behavior. None of us really wants to see that it is not just the murderer or the rapist who is only a few steps up the evolutionary ladder from the beasts who prowl the jungle at night but ALL of us. How do you go about teaching that?

This blog is refreshing to read. I'm guilty of narcicisstism myself. What would you say about passive agressive behaviors? Isn't it also a type of abuse? Many "civilized" people seem to be even more capable of passive agressive approach to problems than obviously violent behaviors.

Our therapist says our daughter/step-daughter has borderline personality disorder. When she is "emotionally raging" we are not allowed to see the grandkids. How can we best deal with this situation? She does not believe she is ill.