Ambigamy

Insights for the Deeply Romantic and Deeply Skeptical

Jeremy Sherman is an evolutionary epistemologist studying the natural history and practical realities of decision making. See full bio

September 1, 2009

Expectation management: Is it better to have loved and lost?

Most who do without, get used to it. Heartbreak comes from dashed expectations. So should you perform random acts of kindness or try to be consistent so people can adjust their expectations? Read More

August 24, 2009

Three paths to partnership closure: One by land and two by sea

When a partnership ends, how do you decide what happened? How do you formulate the end of the story? How do you get closure? How do you box its remains and label them for storage? Read More

August 18, 2009

Pot and presence: To care is human; to forget, bovine

I'm changing my mind about a few things lately. Read More

August 12, 2009

Absolute open- or closed-mindedness: Beyond a shadow of a dot

A few weeks ago in the New Yorker, Jeffrey Tobin took issue with Judge Sotomayor's assertion that as a judge she would keep an "open mind." He writes, “when it comes to interpreting the Constitution, one can scarcely imagine a worse qualification than an open mind. Read More

July 28, 2009

Why be nice? Because with us chickens, a little negativity goes a long way

Loss aversion, the tendency in human decision making for loss to loom larger than gain, explains why people need so much encouragement and handle criticism so poorly. This becomes the best argument for being nice, but not without caveats. Read More

July 20, 2009

Goal-hugging: Exploiting the halo effect to distract and dominate

A goal is not a plan. Sometimes people pretend it is so they don’t have to plan. And sometimes people pretend it is to protect their plan from scrutiny.
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July 10, 2009

Philters: Magic potions that cure by filtering the truth

Philters: Magic potions that cure by filtering the truth.

I’ve bothered a few readers and writers here with my persistent arguments against cherished forms of wisdom, ideas like “be present,” or “If you’re annoyed by what your partner does, most likely it’s you.”
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July 7, 2009

AGINAP: A Goal Is Not A Plan

You probably remember the Steve Martin line, “well excuuuuse me!” but do you remember the skit that launched it? It started like this:

You.. can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes!
You can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes!
You say... "Steve.. how can I be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes?"
First... get a million dollars. Read More

June 30, 2009

Taowinism: Tao+Darwin & Serenity prayer variations Part 2

About 15 years ago I began to notice a sweet solid convergence between the Tao, Darwinism and the Serenity prayer that has guided both my behavior and my research ever since. Here are some more practical variations on the serenity prayer, second in a series of four. Read More

June 25, 2009

The Human Condition in a nutshell: Serenity prayer nails it, and here’s the rest. Part 1

The serenity prayer is more than how they close AA meetings. That thing is deep and speaks to the fundamentals of the human condition, including everything that drives psychology and the behavioral sciences in general--the pursuit of wisdom whereby we can make better decisions, trekking the winding mountain ridge of life in the dark about the future without sliding down the slippery slopes on either side of the ridge top. Here are some new variations on that greatest of prayers. Read More

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

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