Ambigamy

Insights for the Deeply Romantic and Deeply Skeptical

Jeremy Sherman is an evolutionary epistemologist studying the natural history and practical realities of decision making. See full bio

October 28, 2009

Get a life: Should it mean understand a life or just move on?

When things don't go well, those of us who are receptive/prone to self-doubt wonder why and whose fault it was. We toss and turn the hot potato of guilt. We want to hand it off quickly but the potato comes back. So we cycle.
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October 19, 2009

Coulda woulda shoulda: Four directions in conflict resolution

Why isn't he improving? May he can but won't because he dosen't want to. Maybe he can't. Maybe he shouldn't. If you're stuck wondering long enough which it is, then maybe you have to give up and simply say, "cuda wooda shoulda" meaning "no use wondering why. All I know is he didn't improve." Read More

October 15, 2009

The wetware imperative: Stopping small-mindedness before it kills us

There have always been small minded people who can't see beyond their immediate self-interest, people who insist on short term gain even if it costs them more in the long run, people who insist on getting more for themselves even if it costs everyone around them.
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October 14, 2009

Mid-Mid-Life Crisis

I had a mid-life crisis around forty. It was conventional and by that I mean head-implodingly fierce, deep, miserable--a seemingly interminable plummeting. It was prompted by the usual questions: Is that all I am? Is this all there is? Am I already at this late a stage of the game? Read More

October 12, 2009

The invincible man: Intentions are pure but disconnected from behavior

Imagine someone whose intentions are beyond reproach. He really really wants to do the right thing. He declares that he cares completely about you. Nevertheless, his intentions have negligible effect on his actions. Read More

October 5, 2009

Ups, downs, expectations, and attachements: What the Buddha missed.

Think with me a moment about a sad fact of life--together we can decide how to best to work around it:
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September 29, 2009

The book of love in five chapters: Hard to put down.

Continuing thoughts about transitions out of partnerships and how to do them cleanly. But first a confession. Read More

September 21, 2009

Love and game theory: Why breaking up is often harsh to do

Sticking with ambigamy for a change here (since after all, it's what this blog is supposed to be about) and following up on the past few week's articles, I'm thinking about the art of breaking up. It's a very practical art because life is precious and short. Read More

September 9, 2009

Soloists: Contented singles deserve their own alternative lifestyle movement.

I'm single again and so am inclined to come back to this blog's original topic, ambigamy-- ambivalence about sex, love, and relationships, being on the one hand, deeply romantic and on the other, deeply skeptical. Read More

September 1, 2009

Expectation management: Is it better to have loved and lost?

Most who do without, get used to it. Heartbreak comes from dashed expectations. So should you perform random acts of kindness or try to be consistent so people can adjust their expectations? Read More

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

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