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Why not both ?

You said,

"...We should love someone for their character not the shapes of his or her ass ..."

why can't we have both?

If she has a fantastic personality, why can't she also look good? and vice versa?

the last woman I was in relationship with was very good looking but a narcissicist of the worst kind, the shape of her a** or the shape of anything did not matter after I discovered how evil and cruel she could be to me (and to her 83 year old dying mother)

Ideally a person should have both- good character and good looks - I am not talking about movie start good looks, more like gorl next door good looks

why not?

Good looks ( usually )indicate good health and fertility, there is nothing wrong with that

Unfortunately good looks can hide the most ugly personalities

the last woman almost pushed me to suicide, I am still very depressed, crying every day...she crushed my soul , my spirit, my heart...

But not every good looking woman is that cruel and evil

we should look for both what pleases the eye and what pleases the mind

as soon as I get out of this...this...mess... I know I will

But you are out of that mess,

But you are out of that mess, my friend.

That P.O.S. is out of your life -- I hope you didn't marry her, if not you dodged a bullet.

It takes time, but you can learn to not get hurt -- don't give women power over you.

We imprison ourselves by buying into conventional romantic visions of relationships. All this romantic crap is perpetuated by a controlling society that wants us all safely bound up in matrimony to keep us out of trouble. You have to flush romantic thoughts out yourself like clearing an impacted colon. (Romance is for getting laid -- never actually believe that crap).

You are now wiser and allowing yourself to continue to feel hurt only continues her power over you.

The best revenge against an evil woman is to forget about her.

OMG - You know my sister!

Here's the thing... there's no refuge with the fuglies: the reason why the unattractive women hate the pretty ones, and why they always go to the gallows muttering protests, is because they too want to be able to be as fully non-stop callous, self-centered, empathological, and as totally without compassion and pity as the lifetime members of Heartless Bitches Int'l here in Femtopia get to be.

There's plenty to go around, so it trickles down!

Incidentally, Warren Farrell wrote about this 25 yrs ago, and it's still relevant. It's too long to quote, but look for the section on "Her Nine Conditions; His One Condition"... "A man experiences a dilemma when he finds that the most beautiful women have the least incentive to become [non-ugly personalities]...".

Be glad you escaped that trap even though you had to chew your own leg off to do it.

No incentives...

A funny /sad thing,

that woman who crushed my spirit occasionally had what I call " moments of lucidity " where she would admit a few things,

she once confided in me that because she was very good looking when she was younger and she could have almost any man she wanted and could replace a man at the drop of hat as men were standing in line to date her, she told me she became b**chy, that she was cruel and mean to those men, that some of those were good guys and that she felt some remorse

as a very good looking woman ( natural blonde, blue eyes, pretty face, nice figure etc )she had no or very little incentive to ever be nice to any man

There must be good looking women who are nice out there, but in my experience, the good looking women I have dated ALL had ugly personalities, they were all to different degrees cruel narcissists who treated men like dirt

Women like to say " men are jerk" well my dear ladies you should try dating women, you would realize they are just as bad or worse than men; most of them have horrible ugly personalities

Men tend to use their fists to hurt others, women use psychological warfare and this is worse

It takes much MUCH longer to heal from psychological abuse than from a black eye ( NO I have never hit a woman and NO I am not saying we should)

beautiful people

I'm sorry to read that you had some issues with a woman who sounds not fantastic to say the least. My friend was in a very similar situation to you and I have been thinking about it sinse. I think that I am an attractive woman, I have very nice fetures and I do a lot of dancing to keep my body in good condition; however, I don't think I could have ever done what my friend's ex did to him. I have another friend who is a plain girl who I don't think will be in a relationship any time soon due to her looks, but is a wonderful preson. I think it's a very terrible thing, but some women just have a mean streak, and happen to be pretty. I have many very kind friends who are beautiful women (two are even models), but they don't have a mean bone in their body. Then there was my friend's ex. She had decent looks, but she cheated on him, broke his heart, dragged him along with empty promises, and then left him all alone to be with some other guy. I think looks may be an enabling factor for a mean woman, allowing her to attract men to vent her frustrations upon; however, I don't think good looks can create mean behavior. Good luck with your recovery, I hope you find a kinder woman who you deserve. <3

Weird...

I got email notification that someone ( Michelle ) posted a new comment

but it is not here???

Dang!

Dang !Now that I posted that the comment is not here it has appeared above mine!!!

Michelle,

I agree good looks can be an enabling factor, it makes it easier to not care as people are easily replaced.

Just out of curiosity, can I ask in what corner of the planet you live? I am near Montreal city in Canada

We are probably hundreds or thousands of miles apart, I am simply curious, that is all

Planet Corner: California

I live in California in Sonoma County. It's very interesting to talk with someone so far away. The joys of modern technology! It is interesting that some things both good and bad can be so universal. I'm hoping you have good luck in your future with women, it sounds like you've been through a lot because of this last one.
-Michelle

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Jeremy Sherman is an evolutionary epistemologist studying the natural history and practical realities of decision making.

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