It would be wrong, of course, to imply that the translation of feeling into emotion is strictly governed by irrational bias. Really, we mostly translate from feeling to emotion by way of informed guess. If, for example, we've dealt with some recurring problem several times already and concluded that you're the one who has got to change, then I'm very likely to assume you're the one who has to change again when the very same problem arises yet again (see Bayesian updating).

But this informed guessing is not without bias. We tend to assume it's the other guy's fault. Our emotional vocabulary is evidence of that bias. There are a thousand and one ways to say "Ouch," but a thousand of them don't sound anything like it. And of the thousand, the majority sound more like, "You need to change so I feel better, okay?"

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Tags: agitation, ambigamy, assumption, cognitive engagement, conflict, dissatisfaction, face value, fights, list of emotions, negotiations, open question, perturbation, physical sensation, red flag, surprise