My next book, Passings: Death, Dying and Unexplained Phenomena, will be available as of February 1, 2010. It is this book that brought me to writing All Things Human for Psychology Today. The book was 23 years in the making and covers a wide range of experiences and deaths that entered my life, coupled with research into multiple aspects of death. I believe it to be one of the most thorough dialogs concerning the processes and facts of life, death, grieving and the anomalous occurrences so often experienced in proximity to death.
But the book only covers events that occur within the surrounds of the deaths describeded. Over the decades many have shared their own personal experiences with me - usually starting with the words, "I've never told this to anyone, but I know you'll understand". And I did.
I offer the two following instances not as proof, or even as statements of fact, but as small windows into unexplainable moments of time that crease the minds of men.
(The names of the men have been changed in order to protect the privacy of their lives)
My daughter Kim died from complications following a horse wreck. In the months and years that followed her death, many came to believe that she had taken up residence in the ranch house.
Pete and his wife had lived in the old cabin on the ranch as resident caretakers for several years prior to moving to Los Angeles. Approximately a year after Kim's death Pete called and said he had to travel back to Wyoming on business and asked if could he ferry anything up for me. I was thrilled. My mother had died seven months prior to Kim and there was a great deal of moving to do. He stopped by Mom's house in Los Angeles and we packed his truck to the brim. With a wave, Pete took off on his journey as I headed off in the other direction to handle the family business, which was the reason for my being in California.
No one was around when Pete drove into the ranch. He got out and stretched, then went to unlock the house and get a drink of good well water before unloading the truck. With glass in hand he entered the little den and sat in the big old leather chair that looked through into the entry, front door and the west corner of the living room.
Pete set his glass on the side table. Looking up he saw Kim walk through the entry and into the living room. "I saw her plain as day... no one could ever convince me that I didn't see her." He told me he'd never had an experience anything like it and that regardless of what some might say, it happened.
Don held the caretaking job and lived in the cabin for many years, one stint before Pete and his wife, another after. During those times Don's business grew and he often got back to the ranch after dark. One day he arrived home after dark, went into his cabin, looked at his schedule and decided to go over and clean the house. It was the first time he'd ever done so at night. As he put the key in the lock, turned it and started opening the door he was overwhelmed with an intense fear. "By the time I was inside the doorway I was more frightened than I've ever been in my whole life. Then something told me it was Kim. ‘Kim!! It's me, Don! I've come to clean the house.' As I finished my words the fear vanished in an instance and in the next instant I was surrounded with love, a love that was as clean and pure as the fear had been dark and malevolent." From that day forward Don never entered the ranch house at night without calling out to Kim as he approached the door. And each and every time, upon entering the house, he sensed her loving presence.
The ranch house is gone, the site covered over and planted with trees - I wonder where Kim is now? The only thing I know with certainty is that she continues to live in the hearts and minds of all who knew her.
