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When people fall in love, initially, they can't keep their hands off each other. But six months to a year later, the hot-and-heavy period subsides and sexual frequency declines. This is no problem if both people experience the exact same decrease in libido. But typically, one person wants sex more often than the other, and desire differences become a sore point in many relationships. Read More
RE: Alter our sexual norms today!
Amen!
She can seek out therapy or....
...she can have an affair with another married person who is also looking for more sex than the primary relationship can offer. Both individuals are inclined to keep their mouths shut and not upset their respective apple carts. It works out well.
More research is needed...
I just wonder if your informal assessment considered the situation before or after Viagra? Sorry, I just couldn't resist.
It seems so odd that Viagra hit the two-billion dollar mark last year, and the pretension that men are always the ones with the higher sex drive still persists. Surprisingly, the sex toy industry has also hit the two-billion dollar mark, and I don't need to prove that most of these toys are designed for women. I dare to say that your informal survey barely scratches the surface of what's really going in the bedrooms.
Not long ago, I had men in my online adult community saying that whatever they provide ought do it, and that was a statement, not a question. Then recently, a PT blogger announced that female ejaculation was simply urine. I don't even want to go into what the scientific community has to say about cul-de-sacs... So far, I haven't found much that is significant in the literature.
In regards to the effects of testosterone in women, it would be interesting to know if girls are born with a certain "setting" of testosterone which could later be associated to higher sex drive. Female sexuality is rather sketchy when compared to the what is known about males. Hopefully the knowledge gap will close in the future, so we can have a better picture of what reality is as opposed to belief.
Still, it's nice to have some idea of who's claiming the higher sex drive, but more research is needed.
You're right
My informal survey barely scratches the surface. And you're also right that sales of sex toys show that women have plenty of libido. In fact, the most recent survey I saw shows that about one-third of adult American women own at least one vibrator. Yet the myth persists that men are insatiable while women are not terribly interested. Mostly I just wanted to let higher-libido women know that (1) they're normal, (2) many women have robust libidos, and (3) that if this is causing problems, sex therapy usually helps. Thanks for your comment.
And then again...
...there is the issue that receives a lot of coverage from your follow PT bloggers. Large numbers of men today reportedly prefer masturbating with porn to copulating with a partner.
Not exactly true.
It's not that large numbers of men prefer porn to a partner, it's that they prefer porn to their current partner. It's not that they don't want sex with the partner, it's that they are not interested in the kind of sex their partner is giving. Therapist David Schnarch and PT blogger calls this phenomenon "leftover sex," since that sex consists of the sex that's not anathema to the woman crossing with the sex that's not anathema to the man. Leftovers, as it were.
When men and women find a partner with whom there's true sexual compatibility? That is, both quantity and quality? Suddenly porn becomes much less of a problem.
As you note...
It is considered abnormal for a husband to have lower desire than his wife. Accordingly, it would seem to me that couples in which the wife is the low desire partner might come to the conclusion that the situation is normal and not worthy of a therapist's attention. Couples with a low desire husband would presumably be much more likely to consider the situation pathological. While among couples seeking therapy men are most often the high desire partner by a 2-to-1 margin, I would expect that among the general population of married couples, the margin of difference is much, much higher.
Not according to my observations...
In the online adult community I belong to, most of the complaints about a low-sex partner come from men. Most of the time they complain about the frequency, and others about the variety Of course, it's impossible to assess the situation correctly because we hardly ever get the story from the wife. There are women who also complain about their husbands, but in general, it's men who see the situation as a pathology more so than the women.
Women seem to adapt their sex drives a lot easier than men in the sense that they can always opt for masturbation. Men in committed relationships don't seem to adapt that well to their significant other's lack of availability. When this is the case, most of the discussions revolve around cheating as an alternative. Interestingly enough, when the couple has taken the route of opening up and experiment with threesomes or the like, the female libido goes up considerably. Some husbands mention that just the fact that she flirts online increases her libido.
Then, in regards to the previous comment stating that men prefer masturbating to porn than to have sex with partners, I don't think that's the case. Many couples report watching porn as foreplay. Single men (mostly young) seem to masturbate to porn more often mostly because they don't have a partner available; however, there are cases where men feel it's easier to masturbate than to go out and look for a partner when they don't have one.
I need to point out that these are my own observations. So far, there hasn't been an attempt to conduct any surveys in the community, which is around 300 thousand mostly from the US, UK, Canada and Australia.
how is it easier for a woman??
A woman can only adjust to a low sex-drive partner as well as a man can. It's not easy at all for me to abstain from sex with my partner just by masturbating. Masturbation only does so much.
Cheating?
My suspicions about my husband's "low sex drive" were eventually confirmed when I'd discovered he'd been regularly getting it on the side. I wonder how much of a reality cheating is when it comes to the man at home not wanting it as much as the woman?
Are they still the same people?
Over time, people change.
A man might let himself go and lose the ability to perform.
(ED is often a sign of cardiovascular issues.)
A woman might let herself go and become much less attractive
Also, since there is usually an age gap, a man might be at the
natural dropping point of his "career" while the woman might still
be ascending.
Don't waste time
If you’re in a mismatched relationship and you want it to change you need to make change a priority, set a date to resolve the problem by such as one year, if after one year there is still a mismatch then you should find another sex partner, don’t let it drag on for years because that would be the WORST outcome.
finally!
Finally, a psychologist confirms that many women do indeed have a high sex drive! I am one of them so this article warms my heart
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