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Friends with Benefits: How Friendly? How Sexual?

Friends with benefits (FWB) describes couples who are more than friends but less than committed lovers. They're friends who, now and then, also have sex. They're not deeply involved and remain free to date others. But they value the friendship, feel mutual affection, and sometimes make love. Read More

More on the history

> (If anyone knows more about the history of this term, please comment.)

According to wikipedia:
the phrase "friends with benefits" was around for many years before it was popularized for a younger generation in the mid-1990s by the Alanis Morissette song "Head Over Feet" and a decade later in the television series Boston Legal.

I'd thought the term was also popularized by the TV show Friends (1994-2004), but as I never could bare watching it I don't know for sure.

Thanks!

I knew someone would know. Thank you.

FWB

Good article, Mike. The study numbers were interesting, and I agree with your conclusions. And it's good to see you still out there.

FWB

Good article, Mike. The study numbers were interesting, and I agree with your conclusions. And it's good to see you still out there.

FWB

I'm 35 and currently in a an FWB relationship. I was in a commited relationship with someone for two years and we broke up 6 months ago. The reason I'm in a FWB relationship now is that I enjoy the person's company, the sensuality, and the sex - but I don't want to be "in love" right now.

FWB

i am engage in this kind of relationship but we didn't actually talked about it..it just happened but im in love with my friend.i would say that it isn't easy to engage in here...stressful:(

friends with benefits

I am in a relationship with a man who only wants sex. He seems to have no emotional ties with me. I have grown to have feelings for him. We are friends and have the benefits, but on his terms. He has a 15 year old daughter, and my children are out of school and on their own. We are in our early 50s. He has told me he has too much bagage and doesnt want a relationship right now. I think he is copping out. I have alot of friends and when I talk about some of the male friends i have, he tells me I should go out with them. Is he trying to get rid of me or what. I am confused.

Good article. Thank you. I

Good article. Thank you.
I think I am in this type of friendship. We don't really talk about it. He is my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me a year ago. Sometimes we hang out together, and it ends up with intimacy.
I don't think this type of relationship fits for me. I know that I still can't get over him and have feeling for him.
He on the other hands doesn't feel that way. He said he doesn't know what he feel about me. I hurt myself by keeping him close.
I don't want to have FEB. I don't think it's good in the long run (at least the numbers in the article have shown that).
I would like any advice to deal with this, really.

Friends With Benefits

I enjoyed reading this article. I'm currently friends with a girl who recently told me she doesn't mind the whole, FWB aspect because she doesnt think that it will affect our friendship. I agree with this. Because our bond is that strong that I dont think it will mess anything up between us. We've only really known each other for about 3 months, but have seen each other around before.

I am so glad to see someone

I am so glad to see someone point out the friends part of the fwb relationship. I have had a couple of these relationships after being married for many years. I find most people look at a fwb relationship as almost worse than a "one night stand" while to me, it is a way to enjoy the physical aspects of a relationship without the emotional complications. The only time I had a one night stand I was left feeling really guilty and used...etc. With my "friend" I feel safe and comfortable and we really care for each other. You have to use common sense... I could never be in this type of relationship with my ex...I still love him and know I would get hurt in the end. If both people are honest with each other (and with themselves) about what they want, it can work.

FwB is a new thing for me. I

FwB is a new thing for me. I heard of it before, but I never thought that I could be into the same situation. I'm 23 years old, a single mom of a 2year old lovely girl. I broke up with her father when she was still 6months old, and that is because of attitude problems. He is a very jealous guy that almost lead to hurting me physically. We used to argue everyday over the same problem, jealousy!
Anyway, I haven't been in a relationship since we broke up, I have suitors, some of them nice others a real jerk. I go on dating sometimes. But none of them caught my attention or maybe im just to scared again to be committed after my previous relationship. But, last December of 2009, I met this guy who's really interesting. We first met on a group date with my friends. Safety wise I prefer to be on a group date first with my friends, especially if the guy is a total stranger. We had a great time, my friends likes his company and so he is with us. I got drunk, and he offers me to stay with his place instead of me going home (he lives nearby the bar we went to). I accepted his offer, and had the thoughts that whatever happens I should not treat it any special. I thought he will initiate to have sex with me, good thing he never tried to took the advantage of I am drunk. So i just sleep with him that night, but we kissed. Then I went home, exchanging of sms became so frequent than before we met. He ask me to have coffee before I go to work, so we had some fraps since I dont drink coffee. We were almost done with the fraps when he ask me to watch a movie, have a nice dinner, and a few drinks. I dont know why he made me say Yes to that, so i skip my work that day. And the night really went quite well. Seems like a romantic date I dreamt of came true. We went to his place then continue to drink and we had sex. We've been enjoying each other's company until now. But the thing is I think Im falling for him. I know we both agreed at first that we are not after any commitments. But I sometimes felt jealousy or discomfort everytime Im not receiving sms or calls from him. Im feeling weird everytime I know he went to disco or party, made me think she will meet other girls. But he is being honest to me, I know that. We both are not dating anybody aside from us. But I am really confused because if I told him how I feel, it will hurt if he tells me he doesnt feel the same way.

Unfair relationship

I've hade some FWB, without knowing it was one !!! Because men are usually decide to set this kind of relationship but "forget" to communicate...
I'll talk about my personnal experiences. Men seduce me (I don't think friends are supposed to do this...) ta have sex with me, then they decide not have an emotional relationship.
In my mind, having a FWB is an option I consider but I think men should let women know about the kind of relationship they want before any intimacy. The only FWB I'm still friend with are the one who've been honnest to me.
Seduction (just for sex) shouldn't be part of this kind of relationship, unless it's said before to go any further. As a woman, I'm emotionnal and can't control it.
Please, be gentlemen and respect these women if you want them to keep respecting you and be honnest to them.

I am 49 and am currently in a

I am 49 and am currently in a FWB relationship that has hit a crossroads. Both myself and my friend are in unfulfilling marriages. We were friends in the past but lost touch and reconnected after 20 years so there is a lot of familiarity and safeness in our relationship. We started as friends and grew emotionally close very quickly. We hid all of our meetings from our spouses from the beginning even though it was only for coffee or to go hiking. It became very flirtatious quickly. After about 3 months, we decided to arrange to be out of town on business at the same time. We had sex on that trip and at this moment, I'm not sure how it will change things for us. Having sex intensified my feelings for him because we were/are already incredibly close emotionally, and that may not be what will work for a continued friendship with him. I also have been honest and open about my feelings which scares him. The other issue is how this "friendship" affects my marriage and his. Having sex is one thing, but sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with someone is potentially more hurtful to marriage. We have both which creates deeper feelings. He has backed off since having sex because he wants to protect his marriage whereas my marriage is ending so I feel more free to move ahead. We will both have to figure out if it works for us to stay involved on any level. If I want to continue to see him, I will have to somehow squelch my feelings so we can be friends only I think, for now.

I an 28 and my FWB helped me in marriage

I am 28 and married last year. I have a very good friend who got married 3 moths before me. 3 years back both of us used to work together and were very close. we discuss our work, our life, whom we will marry and why we cant marry each other. we two were perfect for each other but for some reason could not marry. but we never took advantage of the same. when she got her marriage fixed, she used to discuss all shorts of sexual matters with me and 5 months later when my marriage was fixed, we were both visiting sexologist together. when she got married, she discussed her every sexual activity in detail with me and advised me on what to do and not when i get married. but unfortunately i being a shy guy had many difficulty when it comes to sex with my wife. i discuused the same with my friend and she offered to teach me by having sex with her. after many thoghts and discussions we gave it a try and it really worked good for us. now we both are into a regular sex relation and try all sorts of sexual positions before doing the same with our respective partners. FWB relationship have helped me a lot as we are not into any bondage and whenever needed we give it a try for our mutual beni=efit and for the benefit of our partners.

FWB

i am recently divorced and had only ever been with one man. I just turned 30 and had no clue how i was ever going to trust someone again. I recently got an FWB and it is great. No strings attached and honestly after having a major lack of confidence this has helped me. Above all else he is a friend and wants to help me to deal, side benefit is that we both get what we need sexually. It isn't one sided with anyone getting hurt. I wasn't sure this was something that i could or would ever do, but i did with no regrets. Of course it isn't for everyone and i understand because some people do associate sex with love. I however found it is a great help and he even goes as far as to help me try to find a "real" boyfriend.
Friends first.

i am a 23 years old woman and

i am a 23 years old woman and had a few FWB relationships in the past. all with the guys that i enjoyed being friends with, but did not really like that much. most of my FWB relationships ended when i met someone else that i really liked and who seemed to be my ideal boyfriends.

since comparing myself to most of my female friends i realised that i have more of a manish mind - i am quite aware of my emotional attachments and always made it clear to myself that i never wanted to have a relationship with my FWB guy from the first place and therefore i cannot get myself into losing control over it.

did i love any of them? at some points i would say i really liked some of them, especialy when i figured out that, as i spent more and more time with them, they understood how i was cool with things being just that, and they were the one that would start worrying about me seeing other guys, and would started to do a lot of things for me. two of them even suggested us moving in together and made it public, one of them took me home to meet his parents (which i insisted it that he must introduce me only as a friend). but anyways, i never loved any of them, "love" and "like" are different. i could love a boyfriend who committed to me, but not a FWB.

hope this helps.

FWB....

I was deeply shocked when I found out that my partner (we're a couple for 2,5 years), had been in a FWB relation for 10!!! years, from 35 to 45, with a 15 years older woman.
He's absolutely not the kind of person, one would be expecting this of, he's very religious, was buddhistic, and member of two religious groups.
The only reason why I'm still with him is-
I do understand this "thing" happened because he's
never had a real relationship ( two short "long distance relationsships" in all these years), his "friend" is very strong and dominant, she started all this and he is/was psychologically traumatized and obviously depended on her, as she was his only friend.
For some reasons, such as loyalty and greatfulness he got involved with her.
He reduced contact with her because it was my wish, but just a few moths ago, he had a complete breakdown beacause of a problem and litterally cried out for her help.
I suppose, this isn't necessarily the typical kind of FWB relationship, but it really hits me hard.
He's stopped having contact with her for three months now, but as we tend to move in together and plan a life, I feel absolutely insecure about what might still be coming in the future....

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San Francisco journalist Michael Castleman, M.A., has written about sexuality for 36 years. more...

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