There was much I wanted to know: Is there a current story in the news that reflects the issues and inequities same-sex couples face when adopting? And what do lawmakers most misunderstand about same-sex families when it comes to adoption? How does custody work with same-sex couples, if the couple is not married, adopts, and breaks up? Is it the same in states where marriage is recognized? Conversely, I was wondering about the issue when a gay or lesbian child (perhaps an older child?--or not) is adopted by a couple whose partners are neither...are there ever issues that we might want to address for an adoptee whose perspective might not be covered as broadly. Legal issues?

Finally, do the upcoming elections have a bearing on lawmaking as they relate to adoption? Do you foresee changes? If so, what do you see? Are there trends in the law? Is there a law or ruling that worries you? And, what does the public most misunderstand about the process of same-sex adoption? What do same-sex couples most misunderstand about it?

Here is what William Singer wrote to me via email: 

"You seem to be operating from the premise that adoption law is the same for same-sex couples no matter where they live.  Unfortunately, that assumption is incorrect.

"Each state has its own adoption cases and statutes.  No two states are the same.  Presently, approximately 24 states and D.C. allow same-sex couples to both be equal parents of the same child.  In some states, depending on whether a couple has a legally recognized relationship or jointly decided to conceive a child, both mothers can appear on the birth certificate from the moment of birth.

"Gay male couples do not have that option.  Except in an assisted reproduction matter in a few states, one would have to adopt.

"Thus, in many states only one partner of a same-sex couple can be a legal parent.  Those situations can lead to all sorts of bad outcomes -- someone who has held herself out to be a parent not being recognized as such by a hospital or school to the extreme examples (of which there are many) where the bio or legal mother has cut off all contact with the non-bio/nonlegal mother after a tumultuous break-up.  These "bad bio mom" cases, of which there have been too many, have had a variety of outcomes.

"In some of those states which do allow both same-sex parents to be come legal parents, the parents can do a joint adoption.

"In the foreign countries from which most American seek children to adopt, I am not aware of any which allows a same-sex couple to adopt a child from that country.  In those situations, one parent does the adoption abroad and the second parent adopts the child upon return to the U.S. (if their state allows it).

"In addition, many states do not have laws against discrimination covering LGBT people, so an adoption agency could discriminate against a same-sex couple without consequences in those states.

"Generally, lawmakers are no more ignorant than the general public about these issues.  That said, some legislators are driven by open hostility to LGBT people.  Check out Rep. Sally Kern in OK who has said that gay people are more of a threat to this country than terrorists.

"If a same-sex couple lives in a state where they can both become legal parents, at the time of the divorce no extra weight should be given to the person who is the biological parent or the parent who adopted first.

"We attorneys who practice LGBT law are trying to stem the epidemic of "bad bio mom" cases. We have produced a document called "Protecting Families."

"These "bad bio mom" cases have given an opportunity for groups hostile to LGBT rights to exploit the situation and win court rulings that have been harmful to the entire LGBT community.  If you want more information about this issue, I can tell you about the decision last December by the NC Supreme Court voiding EVERY same-sex adoption in its state because of one lawsuit.  On the other hand, NE Supreme Court just issued a decision that is beneficial to our community."

THE POLITICS

Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute a national nonprofit that is the pre-eminent research, policy and education organization in its field. Pertman - a former Pulitzer-nominated journalist - is also Associate Editor of Adoption Quarterly, and the author of Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families - and America and Gay and Lesbian Adoption: A New Dimension in Family Diversity, both published in 2011. 

MEREDITH: Do the upcoming elections have a bearing on lawmaking as they relate to adoption? Do you foresee changes? If so, what do you see? Are there trends in the law? Is there a law or ruling that worries you? 

ADAM PERTMAN: With some exceptions, adoption law is state-based, so there are 50 elections coming up that might affect it - but are unlikely to for many reasons. Two of the big ones are: most adoptions are of children from foster care, and reforms in this realm (which are direly needed) require resources/investment, and we live at a time of financial retrenchment. Second, at least at the state level, much adoption-related policy is more or less bipartisan, which is to say neither party understands the realities very well and both generally move in the same directions. 

One stark exception is LGBT adoption; in this area of life, there are obviously sharp partisan divides and they extend beyond adoption to parenting itself and marriage. So, for instance, a party change in the House (which I think is unlikely to happen) could bring enactment of legislation - the Every Child Deserves a Family Act, which was initially based on the Adoption Institute's work - that would bolster gay/lesbian adoption. And, presumably, if enough progressive candidates win at the state level, that improves the prospects for gay-friendly laws and policies being enacted.  

MEREDITH: What does the public most misunderstand about the process of same-sex adoption?