Adoption Stories

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The Day After National Adoption Day

Does the stress of family drive some to wish they didn't have family?

This is the day after. It is much like the day before. Or the day of.

It is a reminder that to many, adoption in and of itself seems like the end result. The finish line. The prize.

But what National Adoption Day is is the same as what comes before and after and on that day (which happens to be yesterday) that make up the life, the family, the individuals who become the us, the we of a family.

So, adoption is the beginning, the middle. It is not the end.

If things are great, you may be nodding, yes! If things are hard you may be shaking your head, no. There is a saying that goes something like this: "Don't get off the train five minutes before the miracle." I actually think this means: "This, too, shall pass." Depending upon how you look at things, both ultimately predict favorable outcomes...when taken in the context that day-to-day life is what matters more than a single day, or event, throughout the year. Not that we wouldn't honor it, but that we maintain perspective.

Adoption is about family. This time of year, with holidays approaching, many stress about the stress of dealing with family. Adoption is celebrated but the stress of having a family drives some people to wish they didn't have a family. It's ironic. 

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Being a family, we all know, goes on long after the adoption, adoption day or adoption month. It also extend back, to the parents who birthed a child and gave life.

But as far as adoption day is concerned, I'm reminded of what Janis Cooke Newman told me for this blog in our interview about her memoir, The Russian Word for Snow

Meredith: Your memoir of motherhood has the dimension of adoption. In fact, it is the question, Will the adoption ever be finalized? that ultimately, drives the narrative. It's been more than a decade since you brought your son home. Was there a time when you noticed the narrative changed-in other words, that adoption stopped being the focus it once was for you?

JANIS: Pretty much the minute I got my son home, I stopped focusing on his adoption, and started focusing on more pressing concerns, such as finding the time to take a shower. I think that once you have your child, thinking about his adoption all the time would be like a non-adoptive mom thinking about her pregnancy all the time. What becomes important isn't how your child got there, just that he or she did.

Perfectly said.

Past posts on National Adoption month:

National Adoption Month--Bittersweet

A Meditation: click here

Meredith Resnick, L.C.S.W., is a health writer and licensed social worker. She is also the mother of two adopted daughters.

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