Adoption Stories

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On Mother's Day and Every Day--Defining Who a Mother Really Is

You won't find these descriptions in the dictionary.

Mothers-to-be, mothers who want to be. Women who always thought they'd be mothers, who everyone told would be so natural at motherhood but who could not become pregnant...and perhaps did not choose to adopt. 

The woman who are waiting for babies from another city or state or country. The women who lost a child, had a child taken, removed, had a child die. 

Women who are estranged from their children.

Those who don't understand what being a mother is, but there they are, a mother.

Women who are in recovery but whose child is not; and vice versa. 

Women who are straight, single, gay, married, living together with someone they love, or don't. Who are single parents. Who are co-parents. Who live for their child, who feel swallowed up by their child. 

Who are Tiger Moms--and who are Kitten Moms. The Free-Range Mom; The Helicopter and everything in between. Women who stay at home, who go to work, who are the breadwinners...and who aren't. 

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To the women in jail, in prison. On probation, parole. Or whose child is.

If you are pregnant. 

If you are trying, too. 

Those who have walked.

Who have returned.

Who have used. Who are using.

And used their family.

To those who have just sent their child away, to boarding school, therapeutic school--who never thought this would happen.

Being a *parent is the hardest job in the world.

To the women who practice competitive parenting, who deny they do, who don't even know what it is. To the mom bloggers, and the readers who click and comment and say "I should be blogging about motherhood, too." Maybe you should.

To the moms brunching and lunching and shopping and having facials and massages today. Who are celebrating with two, three or four generations.

And to those who are alone.

To the women and girls who gave birth. Who miscarried. Who terminated for reasons as individual as they are.

And the women who are in the hospital, ill, frightened, who worry they are not there to raise their child.

Celebrity moms. Suburban moms. City moms. Moms of one child or five or nine or more.

Those who have adopted domestically, internationally. And whose adoptions have fallen through.

And stepmothers, and grandmothers, and aunts and cousins who have stepped in, stepped up then, stepped back.  

To the memory of a mom who has passed away--celebrate her today, and do it with laughter and tears. And maybe some chocolate if it fits.

And to the moms who let go of their child to offer them a different life with another family, this day is also for you.

To the moms in therapy

To those who are learning how to choose their battles. 

And those who cook. Who feed to soothe.

To the exhausted and the jugglers. 

And the worried.

And to the owners of parenting books.

To those who the word "Mother" is sweet, or bitter...or both.

 

*The words Mother and women are used, because it's Mother's Day. They can (and should) be substituted for any word for mother, father, parent, person, siblings...you get the point...who is reflecting on Mother's Day.

 

 

Meredith Resnick, L.C.S.W., is a health writer and licensed social worker. She is also the mother of two adopted daughters.

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