THIS POST IS A PARODY -- IT WAS NOT WRITTEN BY ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE NRA, WHO ARE PERFECTLY NICE GUN OWNERS WHO LIKE TO SHOOT AT TARGETS AND DEFEND THEIR FAMILIES AND GUARD AGAINST GOVERNMENT TAKEOVERS AND. . .well, I'll stop there.
Nothing but the dead and dying back in my little town
As we have another school shooting and death on the anniversary of the Newtown, CT massacre, once again in Colorado, where the Aurora and Columbine mass killings occurred, people ask again, "How the hell do killers get guns so easily in our country?"
As an ardent spokesperson on behalf of the NRA, I don't shrink from confronting such questions. And I'm not offering a wimpy defense for allowing -- nay, encouraging -- everyone to have a few guns (hopefully including some assault weapons).
My defense for not regulating guns is simpler -- the NRA wants more people to die. That's right, guns are a natural implement for the benefit of evolution -- you know, survival of the fittest (not that most NRA supporters believe in evolution). The greater the turnover in the population, and the more deaths of young people -- especially those from inferior gene pools, like that freak Adam Lanza -- the better evolution operates. Aren't you glad Lanza never produced offspring?
And how about ridding the earth of this kid at Arapahoe High School, who committed suicide without kiling anyone else (unlike Lanza, who took 26 people and his mother with him -- although Nancy Lanza had to go). Pretty good move, no? A lot cheaper than mental health services, I can tell you that.
And so, the NRA wants to promote the real-world equivalent of The Hunger Games -- you know, where teens hunt each other to their deaths. Why, the NRA will even provide the firearms!
Follow at Facebook Stanton's forthcoming book with Ilse Thompson, Recover! Stop Thinking Like an Addict and Reclaim Your Life with The PERFECT Program, available for pre-order here.
P.S. December 14, 2013:
Seriously in poor taste tonight....
1. NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre's speech in the aftermath of Newtown: (a) virtually ignoring the dead children, (b) certainly ignoring their grieving parents, (c) lambasting the media and calls for gun control, (d) insisting on freer distribution and availability of guns;
2. the passage in the year since Newtown of more anti-gun-control bills around the country than gun-control measures;
3. the recall of two legislators in Colorado -- the site of Columbine, Aurora, and this latest incident -- for leading the push for greater gun controls;
4. the failure of the Senate (the more liberal body in Congress) to pass the most modest gun control measure insisting on background checks for gun buyers;
5. and, finally, the 11,500 gun deaths in the year since Newtown?
All of which show, in the Times's Joe Nocera's words, that nothing in America "can match the fanaticism and single-mindedness of the National Rifle Association."