Addiction in Society

Addiction—the thematic malady for our society—entails every type of psychological and societal problem.

by Stanton Peele, Ph.D., J.D.

Taking life seriously: How to preserve your mind, raise intellectual children, be a constructive citizen, and get laid more

By Stanton Peele on December 7, 2008 in Addiction in Society

Cognitive scientists recommend that people keep their minds active if they want to remain sentient into their seniority. This is usually translated into doing memory tasks and daily crossword puzzles. But why look so far afield for ways to use your mind when opportunities are presented every day for insight, commentary, and thoughtfulness? Here are five ways to keep your mind - and the minds of those around you - sharp and constantly evolving. They will have the side benefits of making your life more interesting, productive, and sexy. Read More

You rock

Submitted by YG on December 7, 2008 - 11:01pm.

This is a truly wonderful, insightful post.

I've learned so much from reading your blog.

Thanks :)

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Great post (and loved the title)

Submitted by drDave on December 9, 2008 - 11:27pm.

Yes, amazing how we often don't think of verbal challenges/interactions as brain exercise...rather we seek out "games", which probably are not as effective.

Enjoyed that you offered good practical ways to not only improve our brains but better our relationships at the same time...makes sense that the best exercises—whether for mind or body—are those that serve more than one purpose. I would like to feature your post/suggestions on my own blog soon (with credit of course)!

Thanks for your post and your work.

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Like the commentors before

Submitted by Cindy on December 10, 2008 - 10:21am.

Like the commentors before me, I too am so proud that you posted this article. Although it seems like common sense to do these things, many people today don't practice these guidelines enough and may end up going throught life feeling sulky and bored because they have stoppped making new brain as well as personal connections.

I am interested to hear more from you on step #4. Say I have a friend who is very close to me. He, however, doesn't like to open up too much, especially when asked. I feel like, even though we share a great bond, it would be hard to get out of him any of the information that's mentioned in this section. Can you recommend a good discreet way to get friends to open up to you when they are reluctant?

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helping people open up

Submitted by Stanton Peele on December 10, 2008 - 10:48am.

Thanks for your constructive question, Cindy. You ask how to get a friend to open up, which may actually have more to do with points 1 & 2 (which are about expressing thoughts) than 4 (which is about thinking per se).

Let me try to help by practicing point 3 - asking you a question! (And remember, in re 3, when you ask questions try not to put people on the spot, but make it easy and natural for them to respond.)

What lets you know your friend is thoughtful? I ask this because this could be a topic for you to key on - perhaps by asking questions that elicit his knowledge and thoughtfulness in this area. "Bill, I admire that you know (are so thoughtful) about x. Could you help me learn more (think more clearly) about that?"

You might test his inner explorations of point 4. Perhaps he is thinking about and knows such things (for example, about you). "Bill, I've been trying to understand myself better. You know I value you as a person and as a friend. Could you share your peceptions of me to improve my self-awareness?"

Perhaps you could express point 5, and get his reactions. "Bill, I consider myself a thoughtful person. I enjoy thinking about people and life. I wonder if others share my values in this area. How do you feel about introspection?"

Good luck expanding your connection with your friend! He sounds like a lovely person.

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Void of thoughts

Submitted by Jessica on December 29, 2008 - 10:50am.

I have a similar dilemma to that of Cindy's. My husband and I often share intellectual, or even mundane, conversations that trail into various subjects. However, there are times where I will inquire as to what he is thinking and recieve the frustrating answer, "nothing." Once I pushed this response, "how could you be thinking absolutely nothing?" He then explained that sometimes he reaches a point in the day where his brain "resorts to basic functioning" and it is as if he takes a vacation from thought. With so much visual stimulation surrounding us and a plethora of personal experiences to boot, is it possible for him to really be thinking nothing? If so, should I just let it go or find a more constructive way to prompt him to share thoughts with me?

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The blahs of marriage

Submitted by Stanton Peele on January 23, 2009 - 6:47pm.

Isn't it funny how people often put more effort into interactions with strangers, rather than those who are closest to them? For starters, it's always good to remind ourselves of who matters most in our lives, and to invest our efforts accordingly. I suspect your husband has his own thoughts -- and they tend in different directions from yours, him being a man and all. When you do do things together -- or share concerns (e.g., children)-- those are topics where you might expect that the two of you are interested in a similar topic. But, otherwise, consider yourself an anthropologist in a foreign culture. Ask questions meant to elicit the outlines of the "native's" mind, his way of thinking, his interests. They're in there, just waiting to be shaken out. Be subtle, but genuinely interested -- which, your question suggests, you really are -- Magaret (Mead).

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Stanton Peele, Ph.D., J.D., has been researching and treating addiction since he wrote Love and Addiction (1975). He also wrote 7 Tools to Beat Addiction.

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