OK. But what does that really mean? Does it simply mean that the love addict is addicted to the feeling of being in love? That's like telling an alcoholic he is simply addicted to buying the alcohol. No, it is much more than just the feeling of being in love. It is more like being addicted to having someone take over your entire being (think Harry Potter dementors). Most love addicts I know, myself included, become addicted to having all of who they are absorbed in the life, environment, and body of another. It is a dark world.

How did I become a love addict? Here are a few characteristics that can set the stage for love addiction in early childhood: According to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, usually love addiction is found in those who suffer from abandonment in early childhood. Circumstances vary with each addict yet the impact of abandonment is similar. My father, a former basketball coach, was picnicing and canoeing with his team and their families when his boat tipped over in the Potomac River. He was dead when the divers pulled him from the water. I was 3-years-old at the time, and my abandonment button was planted right then. Early abandonment. Check!

My mom chose to deal with the death of my father by drinking alcohol every night and finding another man to take his place; and shortly after my father died, her new man moved in and she married him. This instilled my jealousy button, something that dictated most of my relationship choices. Her attention was focused on the new man and I was denied her attention. Abandonment button pressed--ouch. Lack of nurturing. Check!

During my teenage years, I began to play out another characteristic: the need for positive regard. I became the popular girl, always dressed well and admired, especially by the boys. I needed them to want me more than I needed water. The attention I got was a false positive for the attention I was starving for. As a teenager and young adult, I put all of my energy into how I looked through make-up and clothes. No one saw the signs, and certainly not me. When my first serious boyfriend broke up with me, I didn't eat for weeks and my weight dropped to 86 pounds. Again, no one said a thing. We got back together and I gained the weight back. My need for him to notice me was the need for positive regard. Check!

Inner rage over lack of nurturing is another attribute of the love addict. This inner rage fuels the behavior; it can feel like the worst drug trip ever. I know. I have experienced both. And the drugs were less painful.

At the end of high school, my mother's alcoholism had reached its final stage. My grandfather had a stroke, and I insisted that my mother go to see him. She offered that she was too weak to travel. I was so angry that we got into our first and only physical fight, then I packed my bags and went to live with a girlfriend. She did travel to West Virginia, Grandpa did die, and she did end up mixing vodka with pills. She died in her childhood bedroom, from a heart attack we were told. I was so angry. Drinking and death were options for her. Parenting was not. Inner rage over lack of nurturing while growing up. Check!

As an adult, love addiction ruled my relationships. It played a part in my education, my profession, family, and friendships. Another quality of the love addict: Avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost. I would go to great lengths to ensure that the abandonment button was not pressed. If a storm brewed in one relationship, I found another one. I went from relationship to relationship. The idea of intimacy was foreign. God forbid I let anyone see inside my wounded spirit. Often, I had several relationships on the back burner, just in case. Keeping the intrigue alive and active was important.

I got married, that marriage failed. Then got married again and gave birth to two beautiful boys, ended that marriage and hit rock bottom. I decided to get sober and stay sober hoping that that would fix me. It helped. Yet I was still not right, and I could not blame it all on the bottle.

When I was diagnosed with love addiction, I was in a relationship with a porn addict. I had no idea he had a problem. I stayed with him and tried to fix and control his addiction. Trying to compete with porn can destroy one's self-esteem. Still, I did everything to avoid the rejection and abandonment at all cost. Check!

I am one of the lucky ones. This is just a snapshot of my years of active love addiction. How do you mend from this type of trauma and drama? I was fortunate to stumble into the office of a therapist who understood love addiction. He helped me identify the love addiction, and he gave me the tools to recognize and address my addictive approach to relationships with others.

For one to recover from love addiction, one must understand and tell his story. Where did it all start? Today, all my relationships are healthy, honest, and trusting. Of course, they are not perfect; but that's what you get when you enter relationships with realistic expectations.

Recovery from love addiction is possible.