Those are good points.
I certainly think there needs to be a greater acceptance of the influence of each partner in an equal parenting model - the mother accepting the father's decisions and vice versa- furthermore, I thought the degree a partner accepted influence from the other was a predictor of relationship success. Thus, the presence of increased conflict isn't a good argument for discouraging equal parenting roles. An idea of what is and isn't important (clothing - if it's clean, the kid can wear it, okay?) and less assumed parenting expertise by one partner over the other might be a good start. Perhaps this means equal responsibility for childcare right from birth - obviously excluding biological requirements such as breastfeeding. That way, both partners are in a learning process right from day zip.

Studies in Australia have shown that when fathers do participate in parenting activities, the activities are passive - ie. Father is supervising or playing a game with the child because mother needs to do a chore and can't physically watch the child at the same time. It does show an unequal approach in the types of parenting activities undertaken by each partner. You could argue that this is actually due to a prevalent 'sexist' division of parenting labor.

In which case, the father does not learn or is discouraged to look after other child needs- and that means being allowed to make mistakes, or do things differently, and the mother will (unhelpfully) criticise because it is not being done her way. In this instance, your helper or partner distinction is useful. Though obviously, the gendered example could be reversed.

A sexist division of parenting labour certainly does not work due to the many double-income families in which one parent also has primary care of children. This often leads to burnout and stress, not to mention strain on the relationship, so I honestly think any encouragements and ideas for successful co-parenting are well worth it.