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What Is Low Sexual Desire?
People normally differ in the degree of sexual appetite they have. There is no single standard of sexual desire, and desire differs not only from person to person but also in the same person over the life span.
One of the most common sexual complaints among couples is a disparity in sexual desire. Sexual desire can be low for an almost infinite variety of reasons, many of them psychological and interpersonal. But that doesn't necessarily make it a disorder. It becomes a diagnosable condition only when it diminishes the quality of one's life and creates distress, or a disparity arises in the sex drive between partners and it becomes a matter of unresolved contention in the relationship. Hypoactive sexual desire can both result from relationship problems and cause them.
Moreover, hypoactive desire is almost invariably a relative matter. Partners who use as a standard of comparison the degree of sexual desire experienced early in a relationship may label as a problem the drop in sexual desire and activity that often accompanies longer-term partnerships, when the needs of everyday living tend to prevail. Further, a person who experiences low sexual desire that is problematic relative to one partner may not experience any disparity in desire with a different partner. Hypoactive sexual desire may arise only in response to one's current partner. And what is designated as one partner's low level of desire may more accurately reflect an overactive sex drive in the other partner.
Sexual desire and responsiveness normally differ between men and women, and assumptions of sexual equivalency may falsely suggest the existence of hypoactive desire disorder. Men are more readily biologically aroused than women, and, for them, desire is tied tightly to physiologic arousal. Among women, sexual desire is more psychological and situational, related more to context than it is among men—to how they feel about their bodies as well as to the quality of relationship with their partner. Moreover, women often do not experience desire until after they are genitally aroused, and arousal may require an extended period of foreplay.
The waning of sexual desire is sometimes considered an inevitability in a long-term relationship, but it is unclear whether that is truly the case, or whether it is a function of age or familiarity. Low sexual desire can often be treated. Increasingly, experts are optimistic that the sexual spark can stay alive throughout the life span.
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