I'm 46 and never married. A five-year relationship I had with a divorced mother of two ended a year ago. The first three years were great; the last two I began to feel as if all she cared about was financial security and would love whomever provided it. She wanted control of everything, from where we were going to live to whose family we spent the holidays with. We argued about everything. I got defensive, and she became insecure about our future. My intuition told me it wasn't going to work. So we ended things. I've always listened to my intuition but now I wonder whether I might have sabotaged the relationship, and previous ones. How do I tell the difference?
You don't. instincts aren't always correct, so they can lead to behavior that subverts your best interests. You have to stop and reflect on what your real interests are and what you're reacting to. In a relationship, one important goal is to feel sure of someone's love. Maybe you don't know what that feels like so you misinterpret the actions of others to reinforce your own insecurities. A few years into a relationship, many women—and almost certainly one with children—want to know what's ahead.
