Final Analysis: Noseless Man Sniffs Out Conspiracy

Millions of Americans believe that 9/11 was an inside job by the U.S. government.

23 % believe that President Obama was born in Kenya (and brilliantly inserted a fake birth announcement in the Honolulu newspaper).

Fluoride skeptics claim the aluminum, pharmaceutical, and weapons industries poison the water for profit. It's a plot so complex, it's almost hard to believe. Or is it?

Six Unanswered Questions about the So-called Existence of the "Nose" on My Face

1. Why is it that I cannot see the alleged "nose" on my face unless I engage in elaborate tricks like closing one eye while crossing the other eyeball?
2. Why should I believe my bedroom mirror? Wasn't it manufactured by Landmark Industries, whose CFO is a stockholder in Halliburton, which has a vested interested in proving my "nose" exists?
3. On June 3, 2010, my "nose" detected a sulfurous smell. Yet, when questioned, my friend Tom denied emitting any sulfurous vapors. Who or what was causing me to have this "smell," and what did they have to gain?
4. In 1974, my uncle Henry told me that he "got my nose" and gave me evidence of his claim by showing me my nose in between two of his fingers. He died in 2004 without telling me if he had restored my "nose" or not. Incidentally, Henry was Jewish and had traveled to Israel several times as a "tourist." What did he tell Mossad about my "nose"?
5. Why is it that the used tissue of 5/25 disappeared soon after being left on my bedside table? This facial tissue was indispensable to the investigation of the "nose" on my face, but was disposed of by my mother just minutes after the 3:06 p.m. blowing. Where is that tissue and why do the CIA, the FBI, and the department of Agriculture have no record of it?
6. Why should I trust the appearance of my "nose" in my Taurus' side-view mirror, when the mirror specifically says that objects may be closer than they appear? What is to stop objects from appearing when they don't exist at all? The whole thing smells rotten.