THEY ARE SORRY FOR WHAT THEY DID. While many young felons brag
about their acts, these youths seemed uncomfortable with having killed.
They knew their behavior was wrong, but experienced conflict over its
effects--repugnance at the act they felt driven to carry out, yet relief
that the victim could no longer hurt them or others dear to them. Their
conflict seemed to result from a sense of their own victimization. They
do not see themselves as murderers or criminals.
Ending The Madness
The true killer in these cases is child mistreatment. The
significant damage comes not only in human carnage but in the death of
the human spirit that persistent abuse often carries out.
Few severely abused children actually kill their parents. But all
are at a vastly increased risk of becoming delinquent or socially
dependent than are children who are treated well by concerned parents or
loving guardians. Most often, the destruction unleashed by child abuse
does not manifest itself until a generation later. A disproportionate
number of those who as adults kill others were themselves abused as
children.
The undeniable realities and effects of child abuse are
increasingly being recognized as a responsibility of everyone in the
culture. Yet society has failed these children. It has failed to make a
sufficient commitment to children. It has clearly failed to protect these
children. And it has failed to foster good parenting.
What the World Needs Now
Parenting skills and support are areas that desperately need
attention. Classes need to be made available to help parents cope with
the stresses of raising children, particularly those with special needs.
Research shows that increasing the knowledge of parents about home and
child management, and enhancing the development of good communication
skills, healthy emotional ties, and parent-child bonding helps prevent
child abuse.
In addition to teaching adults and teenagers about child
development and parenting skills, our nation's elementary, junior high,
and high schools should develop courses that help children recognize
abuse and neglect. Ideally, such courses would encourage children to take
action if victimized or threatened, and teach them how; there would be a
child advocate in the schools to help them. The programs should aim to
foster the development of self-esteem and conflict resolution skills to
aid youth in self-protection.
Almost 40 percent of schools in the U.S. do not offer prevention
education. Programs restricted to helping children protect themselves
from abuse are inadequate; children and adolescents must learn about all
types of abuse. The earlier these behaviors are targeted, the earlier
they can be stopped and any accompanying damage addressed
therapeutically.
Abuse and neglect are not always recognized by their victims. When
I discuss abuse and neglect in university classes, only then do some
students become aware that they were abused or neglected as children.
Some mothers of children who kill their fathers allowed their child to be
mistreated because they never realized the fact they themselves had been
victims.
And much of sexual abuse is covert. A child whose parent shares
pornography with him/her senses that it is wrong, but assumes it must be
okay because it's Mom or Dad whose doing it. The child resolves the
resulting confusion by assuming that "what's wrong is me."
Most of all, we have to listen to our children. In a follow-up
interview given four and half years after his conviction for murder,
Scott Anders (see below) expressed bitterness when he recalled the number
of teachers, neighbors, and relatives whom he told of the abuse--and who
did nothing to help him. "Just because a kid is young, don't think he's
stupid. At least listen to him. Then check into it."
Despite increased public attention to the fact of child
mistreatment, many people are unclear about what to do when confronted
with this problem. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected,
you should at least call the local or state agency that investigates
child abuse and neglect cases. Reports in many states can be made
anonymously; in any case, the caller's identity is kept confidential. If
the agency determines that a child is in danger, he or she win be
temporarily removed from the home and given a safe place to stay pending
other arrangements.
Lastly, as a society we must look with compassion on adolescent
parricide offender. These are not tough children, but after indictment
they are usually dealt with harshly, even though their youth is
considered a mitigating factor. They have been abused for years and feel
a great deal of anger and pain. They need to understand the tragedy,
appreciate that their actions were wrong, extreme measures that are not
allowed as a way to solve problems, and that they could have chosen a
nondestructive course of action. They need to work through their many
losses--the loss of their childhood, the loss of a clear future, as well
as the loss of a parent. They need help to realize that they did have
positive feelings for their parent, and let the deeply buried feelings
come to the surface so that they can be resolved. These are not conflicts
that can be resolved by prison.
Theirs, after all, is the misfortune of being born before we could
create a safe world for them.
CHARACTERISTICS OF KIDS WHO KILL
Tags:
alarming trend,
atrocity,
child abuse,
city teenagers,
constraints,
drug money,
everyday horrors,
family,
fbi,
inner city,
killers,
matricide,
mother father,
murder,
parenting,
parricide,
patricide,
son and daughter,
supplementary homicide report,
tabloid television,
turbulence,
undercurrent
