And when it comes to quashing feelings of love, a partner's affair will do it for more people than anything else. On a scale of one to five, from least to most significance, an outside liaison scored a whopping 4.67. Other potent love killers: a lie or other deceit scored 4.38; inattentiveness 3.78; and little sexual interest weighed in at 3.70. Bad grooming can cool the flames, too--it scored 3.13. Outside influences such as parents, children, or work can also douse ardor (2.71). The onset of emotional problems such as depression in one's partner scored a moderate 2.46, but the loss of a job or the loss of status only 1.75. Lack of money registered just 2.07--less than if one's partner suddenly gained 30 pounds (2.15).
Illegal activity is another strong love killer--trailing just behind sexual disinterest. A partner doing something illegal rates a 3.27. And if that illegality is publicly censured, a la Marion Barry, it's 3.56.
And what will turn love on? Music from a piano is most romantic (32 percent), followed by the saxophone and human voice (each 28 percent), while the violin scores a mere 11 percent. In fact, respondents are almost equally divided over whether being serenaded by a violinist in a restaurant is romantic or annoying. Only 13 percent would be captivated by being unexpectedly "kidnapped" for a weekend away at a B&B; 87 percent would be peeved.
Surprisingly, slightly more people find couples who kiss and cuddle in public to be an exhilarative rather than an eyesore (52 vs. 48 percent). And only 26 percent consider couples who call each other cutesy names in public to be an earsore. Fully 74 percent consider that romantic.
But getting married in Las Vegas is not. Almost three of four (72 percent) consider it tacky, although it's not as egregious as couples who wear matching outfits (92 percent).
But our tacky-meters are not consistently sensitive. Some 62 percent consider renewing wedding vows after just five years of marriage to be romantic; 38 percent find it tacky. If you're thinking of printing a Valentine's love note in the newspaper, go ahead. Chances are the object of your affection will be pleased (60 percent). Slightly more than a third would be put off by a marriage proposal on TV, in skywriting or any other public venue, although most would not. Even getting married in a hot-air balloon or underwater is voted slightly more romantic than tacky (53 vs. 47 percent).
Actions don't always speak louder than words, though. Almost half of respondents (45 percent) verbally declare their love to their significant other more than once a day. Another eight percent parse out the message once a day, while 15 percent speak it about once a week, and two percent once a month or so. Only four percent rarely utter those powerful words. Astonishingly, one of four--25 per-cent--never do, two percent because they don't have a significant other. "Tell them too often, and they'll assume you don't mean it," said one respondent for the minority view.
How often would people really like to be whispered sweet nothings? Forty-one percent say they want to hear they're adored more than once a day; 18 percent need those words once daily. Another 22 percent are content with once a week, while two percent can get by on once a month or so. Then there's 18 percent who say they never need to hear it; for them actions always speak louder than words.
Most respondents make a dear distinction between love and romance. "You can't have romance--that 'dreamy' feeling--unless you are really in love," says one. But most say love is broader and can include family members--even a spouse--in a nonromantic way. "Romance is a part of partner love," says one. "Love is larger--extending to children, parents, family, friends, and others."
Love is more enduring. "Love is sticking together through the good times and bad. Romance is just the fun part." Or "Love is the way you feel; romantic activities just express the mood." Another: "One is a fairy tale, ethereal; the other is lasting." Others distinguish between emotion and action. "Love is what you feel; romance is how you act upon that love," says one. "Love is a feeling. Romance is more of a journey, an exploration, where you learn about each other until the love is entirely mutual. Then romance keeps the bond alive."
But nothing is absolute in the terrain of love. Says one respondent, "You can have romance without love but probably cannot have love without romance."
"Romance is the creative spark of love, little things you do together, like walking hand in hand, and big things, too, like surprising each other with a trip to Europe," notes one poll participant. "Romance makes babies, and love is what keeps your husband in the delivery room with you when he feels like fainting!"
Romance is the flourish; love, the solid foundation. "I like the flourishes,but it's the knowledge and agreement between us that we'll be there for each other and accept one another for our faults that keeps a relationship going when there are no flourishes."
"Love is caring and sharing. Romance is wining and dining. It's how you show your love."
"Love is allowing your husband to turn down a big promotion because you know he really does not want the added pressure, even though the extra money wouLd help pay bills and its absence forces you to work more hours than you want."
"Romance is going to dinner at a five-star restaurant; love is making sure the waiter knows about your wife's food allergies."
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